Feature

Best Haiku About Fish Sticks

What is it about the humble fish stick that's capable of inspiring such a lyrical outpouring of insight into the human experience? Honestly, I'm not quite sure. All you've got to do is wave a thawed finger of breaded substandard fish in front of mediocre poets and suddenly they're spouting rapid-fire liquid verse like Shakespeare on amphetamines. Go figure. Gail Miller wins a $40 certificate to Ralli's and two passes to the Guild Cinema. We don't know what the heck her haiku means, but we love it anyway. Sue us.

Winner
In his wax canoe
Fish Stick glides through polar ice
While Eskimos weep.
—Gail Miller

Honorable Mention
A fish stick is like
A British man: pasty white
With a crusty shell.
—Erin Barringer

Nomenclature is
Not my specialty, but they're
Neither fish nor sticks
—Malcolm Murray

I hate the sweet ooze
that comes out of burnt fish sticks.
What the hell is it?
—Steve Murray

Went to the river
Dropped my line in the water
No fish sticks in there
—Alan Petitt

I wonder if fish
Ever thought of human sticks?
Or is that just gross?
—Leslie McMurtry

From sea to the mold
Ocean-going lollipops
More stick than a fish
—Stephen Davis

A lot of fish sticks
Going to eat all of them
Not going to share
—Ashley Encinias