Alibi V.14 No.36 • Sept 8-14, 2005 

Feature

Best Haiku About Why You Fear a Specific Species of Farm Animal

My vote for scariest farm animal is certainly the goat, yet for whatever reason I'm also oddly attracted to our voracious, horned friends in much the same way churchgoing good girls are attracted to big smelly bikers. Oh, goat, you're soooooo bad. My daddy wouldn't like you at all. Elaine Almquist's goat poem was the best entry in a very competitive category. She wins a $40 certificate to Ralli's and two passes to the Guild Cinema.

Winner
When I was a kid
A billy goat ate my belt
And my pants fell down.
—Elaine Almquist

Honorably Mentions
The old horse took my
Fingers between his teeth, held
Tight, licked off the cheese.
—Billy Crews

Oh God! That donkey
Is humping his mom again.
Please, spare the children.
—Suzanne Barteau

Psycho tom turkey
Testosterone poisoning
Has messed up your mind
—Suzanne Barteau

Two-ton hog cornered
A full grown man and ate him
Least that's what I heard
—Amanda Kooser

Bad-ass male turkey,
Running full speed at my junk!
Who wouldn't be scared?
—Roald Dali

Goats I fear the most
They work with the government
To keep taaabs on me
—R. Singleton

What doesn't he know?
Black eyed, sentient sausage.
He judges and shames.
—Gail Miller

A methane build-up,
A lit match. Moo, moo, KABOOM!
Hey, it could happen.
—Bob Sabatini

A goat chewed off my
Pants, I walked home in a great
deal of discomfort
—Chadwick Reinicke (sixth grader, Sandia Prep)