Alibi V.14 No.48 • Dec 1-7, 2005 

Feature

What Brand of Dud is Your Stud?

Choose the answer that most closely applies to your guy.

1. You met him _______.
a.) in your dreams
b.) while on a bender
c.) on a dark and stormy night

2. When you go out on dates _______.
a.) his teeth sparkle and his ponytail gleams
b.) it's always slightly uncomfortable
c.) chicken fries are usually involved

3. He spends his free time _______.
a.) getting kittens out of trees
b.) working on his look
c.) kicking around the hack

4. Bedtime is the right time for _______.
a.) magic and tenderness
b.) moderate satisfaction
c.) reluctance

5. If he were an art movement he'd be ______.
a.) neoclassical; noble and tasteful
b.) impressionism; widely reproduced
c.) claymation; not even an art movement

6. His main form of transportation is ______.
a.) his pet pegasus
b.) a dune buggy
c.) your car

7. If he were an animal he'd be ______.
a.) a ferocious lion with a heart of gold
b.) a kitty cat
c.) dead, inedible chicken fries

8. His future plans include ______.
a.) mastering human flight
b.) rocking
c.) Steel Reserve

9. He plans to accrue wealth through ______.
a.) his breakthrough concepts on human existence
b.) rocking
c.) winning big on scratchers

10. Your relationship will be history when ______.
a.) he meets the long sleep of death
b.) like clear Pepsi, his charms fizzle out
c.) a blonde stripper named Krystal comes into the picture

If you chose mostly As then your man puts the "ud" in stud. If you chose mostly Bs, your man puts the "ud" in dud. If you chose mostly Cs, your guy is a million in a million and so are you. Experts like myself say that mutual intelligence and attractiveness are the biggest determining factors for matchmaking. I guess that means you deserve what you get. Lucky for me, I answered mostly As. Hmmm, I think I'll go home to Derrick now.