The Alibi's 2005 Last Minute Gift Guide
Time's a-wastin'. Get off your fat, lazy keister and start slappin' some plastic.
By Steven Robert Allen
Can you hear that sound? It's the unnerving tick of your internal clock, warning you that the holidays are quickly approaching. Thankfully, the Alibi has once again busted its swollen hump to dream up multiple fool-proof shopping plans designed to make this holiday season as easy as possible for our beloved readers. In the words of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, "don't panic!" In this year's Last Minute Gift Guide, we've divided up our fair city into manageable geographic chunks so that you can complete your shopping and still have plenty of time left over for slurping eggnog and ogling cute elves (of the gender of your choosing).
Here are your instructions:
1) Pick a neighborhood—perhaps the one nearest to your house, perhaps one you've always had a hankering to visit. It really doesn't matter.
2) Find yourself a large, durable burlap sack in which to stuff all your purchases.
3) Sling this sack over your shoulder.
4) Finally, saddle up your llama, and bring this guide with you to the neighborhood of your choice.
Our editorial staff has created a miniature gift guide for each area, making it a snap to do all your holiday shopping in as little as a few short hours. Sound too good to be true? Believe, dear readers. Wish upon a star, and all your sweetest holiday dreams—such as completing your holiday shopping on time for a change—can indeed come true. Jingle bell rock your way to the cheeriest holiday season ever!
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