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The Winners Of Our Second-Ever 15 Th Annual Haiku Contest

\ Sep 13, 2007

7 min read

Beginning this fall the bulk of New Mexico will begin using the new area code 575. This doesn’t include the Albuquerque-Santa Fe corridor or most of the northwest quadrant of the state. Still, it certainly tickles our fancy to have this new area code correspond so gloriously with the formal requirements of haiku composition. So, in honor of this very special coincidence, we are even more enthused to present you with the winners and runner-ups in our 2007 Haiku Contest.

Special thanks to Christie Chisholm, Amy Dalness, Marisa Demarco and Laura Marrich for helping me judge this contest. Every winner will receive two free passes to the Guild Cinema (3405 Central NE, 255-1848), a $10 gift certificate to Gold Street Caffé (218 Gold SW, 765-1633), a $25 gift certificate to Bumble Bee’s Baja Grill (3423 Central NE, 262-2862) and a DVD movie starring famed Mexican film star Pedro Infante (either Ustedes Los Ricos , Nosotros los Pobres or Pepe El Toro ).

Now, on to the winners!

Feature

Best Traditional Haiku

Carol Moscrip has been the master in this category for years and she once again comes out on top. Kudos, too, to Albuquerque High School student Kimberly Carter for coming up with a doozy.

Winner

spider spins the air

with boundless tension, braving

threadbare dimensions

—Carol Moscrip

Honorable Mentions

Black Widow, your web

is frayed from desolation.

Your hourglass fades.

—Kimberly Carter

slips from magnolia

bowl’s nectared cream lip a bee

drenched in summer’s trance

—Carol Moscrip

six-fingered wings spread,

dark-headed cranes thrash the marsh

with a mambo beat

—Carol Moscrip

Feature

Best Albuquerque Haiku

Florence Card’s haiku has given us all nightmares for days. Beep, beep—indeed.

Winner

backyard roadrunner

blood lust, sharp beak, crazy eyes

approaching quickly

—Florence Card

Honorable Mentions

Mountains dressed to kill

Whassup wit dat bling sky thing?

Albuquerque, yo!

—Dee Worley

“Burque Burn”

Peeling chile, then

carelessly rubbing your face.

That’s the "Burque Burn"

—Tommi Tejeda

Feature

Best Haiku About Zombies

Do you typically sport a forlorn expression on your decaying face? Do you dress in rags? Do you shamble? Perhaps you’re a zombie. If so, these haiku are for you. Enjoy!

Winner

Cold, hungry actor

willing to work long, hard hours

for warm flesh and brains

—Steve Bishop

Honorable Mentions

“Morning traffic”

Half asleep, I drive,

Brain on autopilot, ride

of the living dead.

—Ben M. Angel

Arms out legs real stiff

let’s all do the zombie twist

It’s quite infectious.

—Pablo Omar Cox

Single white zombie

seeks fleshling for fun and bites.

Fatties only, please.

—Christopher Jones (Rev.)

I fell in love with

A zombie. But he only

Loves me for my brains.

—Rebecca Roland

Infectious virus

Spreads dread, creates mindless dead

Fox News coverage.

—Larry Elmore

Feature

Best Movie Review Haiku

Now that you mention it, Bob, Matt Damon does have a nice ass.

Winner

“Bourne Baby, Bourne”

Matt Damon’s okay.

His ass looks good on a bike.

Butt he’s no James Dean.

—Bob Rakoczy

Honorable Mention

“Karate Kid” (1984)

Skeleton mask teens

Rough up shy boy on a bike.

Crane kick practice time!

—Eric Johnson

Feature

Best Personal Ad Haiku

Quite frankly, most of the submissions in this category were too filthy to print, even by Alibi standards. That’s why we liked Sue Essen’s good, clean, spending-Saturday-night-at-home haiku. Even mama would approve.

Winner

Crossword fanatic

seeks Scrabble-minded soul for

wordplay, maybe more?

—Sue Essen

Honorable Mentions

Lonely ape seeks Jane

Bring jumper cables and guac

Must like hand grenades

—Terrence L. Maldonado

Werewolf seeks same for

a lycanthropic nightmare,

any bar downtown

—Kelly Green

Blonde, thin, fit, smoker,

seeks kind, happy, rich smoker

for stinky kisses.

—Kristen Sandoval

Left-handed female

turned ambidextrous by choice

to please the ladies

—Kalisha Weidemann

Jaded romantic.

Ambivalent! Hopeful? Hurt.

Please do not respond.

—Larry Elmore

Spotted you in court

wearing shackles and a scowl.

Call me when you’re free.

—Sue McGilpin

Feature

Best Haiku About the iPhone

About half the submissions in this category would’ve made for fine iPhone commercials. That’s why we’re not printing them. Congratulations to Ms. Green for her brief little dose of reality.

Winner

iPhone ePhone if

it were free phone I wouldn’t

stand in line for it.

—Laura Green

Honorable Mention

Don’t do that again!

I didn’t spend 6 hundred

to be hung up on!

—John Bicknell

Feature

Best Campaign Slogan Haiku

Hey, voters, let’s not get ahead of ourselves. There’s a City Council election on Oct. 2—just a few short weeks away. Worry about the presidential race next year.

Winner

Stop electing these

rich, white, greedy assholes who

always steal our land!

—Dan Otero

Honorable Mentions

“Mitt ’08”

Every embryo

deserves the chance to become

a murdered soldier.

—Sue McGilpin

Don’t worry … I’ll just

Blame it on the previous

Administration.

—Miela Kolomaznik

Feature

Best Slang Haiku

We didn’t get many entries in this category. Is this because Alibi readers are too hyper-literate to use slang even where required, or because the category was stupid? You decide.

Winner

“Lake Whoa-Doggone”

Fishun fer bullheads.

Heckuva deal, ubetcha.

Mac-n-cheese-wiz bait

—Bob Rakoczy

Feature

Best Text Messaged Haiku

Didn’t get many entries in this category either, and almost all of the ones we did get came from high school kids, like this harsh little ditty from Albuquerque High School student Laz Romankiw.

Winner

o hey bbycaekz

lol im dumping u

talk 2 u l8r!

—Laz Romankiw

Feature

Best Miscellaneous Haiku

Everyone loves miscellaneous. Everyone wants to be miscellaneous’ friend, to have it over for dinner, to invite it for long walks in the park. That’s because with miscellaneous, you know you’ll never be bored. This year, Stephanie Tacker understood this enduring truth better than anyone.

Winner

Tiny unborn child

tap-dancing on my bladder

Can’t wait to meet you

—Stephanie Tacker

Honorable Mentions

“Here, catch!” I look back

The ball arcs across the sunbeam

And smashes my nose.

—Cynthia Savino

I really like beer.

It gives ephemeral strength,