Sep 13 - 19, 2007 
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Dial 5-7-5

The winners of our second-ever 15th Annual Haiku Contest

By Steven Robert Allen

Beginning this fall the bulk of New Mexico will begin using the new area code 575. This doesn't include the Albuquerque-Santa Fe corridor or most of the northwest quadrant of the state. Still, it certainly tickles our fancy to have this new area code correspond so gloriously with the formal requirements of haiku composition. So, in honor of this very special coincidence, we are even more enthused to present you with the winners and runner-ups in our 2007 Haiku Contest.

Special thanks to Christie Chisholm, Amy Dalness, Marisa Demarco and Laura Marrich for helping me judge this contest. Every winner will receive two free passes to the Guild Cinema (3405 Central NE, 255-1848), a $10 gift certificate to Gold Street Caffé (218 Gold SW, 765-1633), a $25 gift certificate to Bumble Bee's Baja Grill (3423 Central NE, 262-2862) and a DVD movie starring famed Mexican film star Pedro Infante (either Ustedes Los Ricos, Nosotros los Pobres or Pepe El Toro).

Now, on to the winners!

Best Traditional Haiku

Carol Moscrip has been the master in this category for years and she once again comes out on top. Kudos, too, to Albuquerque High School student Kimberly Carter for coming up with a doozy.

Winner
spider spins the air
with boundless tension, braving
threadbare dimensions
Carol Moscrip 

Honorable Mentions
Black Widow, your web
is frayed from desolation.
Your hourglass fades.
Kimberly Carter

slips from magnolia
bowl’s nectared cream lip a bee
drenched in summer’s trance
Carol Moscrip

six-fingered wings spread,
dark-headed cranes thrash the marsh
with a mambo beat
Carol Moscrip


Best Albuquerque Haiku

Florence Card's haiku has given us all nightmares for days. Beep, beepindeed.

Winner
backyard roadrunner
blood lust, sharp beak, crazy eyes
approaching quickly
Florence Card

Honorable Mentions
Mountains dressed to kill
Whassup wit dat bling sky thing?
Albuquerque, yo!
Dee Worley

“Burque Burn”
Peeling chile, then
carelessly rubbing your face.
That's the "Burque Burn"
Tommi Tejeda


Best Haiku About Zombies

Do you typically sport a forlorn expression on your decaying face? Do you dress in rags? Do you shamble? Perhaps you're a zombie. If so, these haiku are for you. Enjoy!

Winner
Cold, hungry actor
willing to work long, hard hours
for warm flesh and brains
Steve Bishop

Honorable Mentions
“Morning traffic”
Half asleep, I drive,
Brain on autopilot, ride
of the living dead.
Ben M. Angel

Arms out legs real stiff
let's all do the zombie twist
It's quite infectious.
Pablo Omar Cox

Single white zombie
seeks fleshling for fun and bites.
Fatties only, please.
Christopher Jones (Rev.)

I fell in love with
A zombie. But he only
Loves me for my brains.
Rebecca Roland

Infectious virus
Spreads dread, creates mindless dead
Fox News coverage.
Larry Elmore


Best Movie Review Haiku

Now that you mention it, Bob, Matt Damon does have a nice ass.

Winner
“Bourne Baby, Bourne”
Matt Damon's okay.
His ass looks good on a bike.
Butt he's no James Dean.
Bob Rakoczy

Honorable Mention
“Karate Kid” (1984)
Skeleton mask teens
Rough up shy boy on a bike.
Crane kick practice time!
Eric Johnson


Best Personal Ad Haiku

Quite frankly, most of the submissions in this category were too filthy to print, even by Alibi standards. That's why we liked Sue Essen's good, clean, spending-Saturday-night-at-home haiku. Even mama would approve.

Winner
Crossword fanatic
seeks Scrabble-minded soul for
wordplay, maybe more?
Sue Essen

Honorable Mentions
Lonely ape seeks Jane
Bring jumper cables and guac
Must like hand grenades
Terrence L. Maldonado

Werewolf seeks same for
a lycanthropic nightmare,
any bar downtown
Kelly Green

Blonde, thin, fit, smoker,
seeks kind, happy, rich smoker
for stinky kisses.
Kristen Sandoval

Left-handed female
turned ambidextrous by choice
to please the ladies
Kalisha Weidemann

Jaded romantic.
Ambivalent! Hopeful? Hurt.
Please do not respond.
Larry Elmore

Spotted you in court
wearing shackles and a scowl.
Call me when you're free.
Sue McGilpin


Best Haiku About the iPhone

About half the submissions in this category would've made for fine iPhone commercials. That's why we're not printing them. Congratulations to Ms. Green for her brief little dose of reality.

Winner
iPhone ePhone if
it were free phone I wouldn't
stand in line for it.
Laura Green

Honorable Mention
Don’t do that again!
I didn’t spend 6 hundred
to be hung up on!
John Bicknell


Best Campaign Slogan Haiku

Hey, voters, let's not get ahead of ourselves. There's a City Council election on Oct. 2just a few short weeks away. Worry about the presidential race next year.

Winner
Stop electing these
rich, white, greedy assholes who
always steal our land!
Dan Otero

Honorable Mentions
“Mitt ’08”
Every embryo
deserves the chance to become
a murdered soldier.
Sue McGilpin

Don't worry ... I'll just
Blame it on the previous
Administration.
Miela Kolomaznik


Best Slang Haiku

We didn't get many entries in this category. Is this because Alibi readers are too hyper-literate to use slang even where required, or because the category was stupid? You decide.

Winner
“Lake Whoa-Doggone”
Fishun fer bullheads.
Heckuva deal, ubetcha.
Mac-n-cheese-wiz bait
Bob Rakoczy


Best Text Messaged Haiku

Didn't get many entries in this category either, and almost all of the ones we did get came from high school kids, like this harsh little ditty from Albuquerque High School student Laz Romankiw.

Winner
o hey bbycaekz
lol im dumping u
talk 2 u l8r!
Laz Romankiw


Best Miscellaneous Haiku

Everyone loves miscellaneous. Everyone wants to be miscellaneous' friend, to have it over for dinner, to invite it for long walks in the park. That's because with miscellaneous, you know you'll never be bored. This year, Stephanie Tacker understood this enduring truth better than anyone.

Winner
Tiny unborn child
tap-dancing on my bladder
Can't wait to meet you
Stephanie Tacker

Honorable Mentions
“Here, catch!” I look back
The ball arcs across the sunbeam
And smashes my nose.
Cynthia Savino

I really like beer.
It gives ephemeral strength,
and makes me handsome.
Jason Zsemlye

You look edible,
Arms like bread rising, eyes to
drop a penny in.
Vanessa Abbott

Empty like an egg
sucked dryI gingerly slide
my shell into bed.
Vanessa Abbott

"bloody monday"
my uterus is
obviously trying to
annihilate me
Florence Card

I buy my dogs the
best organic food and treats
yet they prefer poo.
Tommi Tejeda

Don't yank the bunny!
That's a load-bearing rabbit.
Ceiling collapses.
Christopher Jones

Whatever you do,
don't pet that beaver. It is
someone's vagina.
Allison Howard


 
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