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 V.17 No.36 | September 4 - 10, 2008 

Feature

Staging a Ku

Our 16th annual Haiku Contest

In the spirit of the ancient and noble art of haiku, I'll keep this intro brief:

Haiku were many
Selection was challenging
Reward is endless

Domo arigato to all who participated and to my fellow judges (Nick Brown, Jessica Cassyle Carr, Christie Chisholm, Marisa Demarco, Laura Marrich, Simon McCormack and Jesse Schulz).
Word to our prize sponsors: Guerrilla Graphix, Tucanos Brazilian Grill, Central Park Hair Studio, Taj Palace Indian Restaurant, JC’s NYPD, Gold Street Caffè, Hinkle Family Fun Center, Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory and Burning Paradise Video. All winners may pick up their prizes from the Alibi offices (413 Central NW) during business hours (9 a.m. to 5 p.m., Monday through Friday).
Let the ku coup commence.


Best Traditional Haiku


June bugs fly drunken
and lie down with faint crickets
in Late August grave
—Victoria Rodrigues

When it came to painting colorful visions of natural wonder—as classic haiku does so well—Victoria Rodrigues' image of June bugs and summer's end dominated the judges' senses. For this accomplishment, she receives a $20 gift certificate to Tucanos Brazilian Grill, a voucher good for one T-shirt at Guerrilla Graphix, a $10 gift certificate to Central Park Hair Studio, $10 in eats at Taj Palace Indian Restaurant, an Alibi toothpick holder and a commemorative 2007 Fall Crawl VIP badge.


Best Haiku About "The Q"


Never heard of it
Could you point me to this "Q"?
Yo soy de Burque
—Victoria Rodrigues

It should be noted that the authors' names were omitted during the final selection process so we could offer the most unbiased judgment possible. Thus, Victoria Rodrigues’ second win in this competition (see “Best Traditional Haiku”) was a surprise to us all, but the quality of her "Q" haiku was not. Rodrigues nabs a $25 gift certificate to JC's NYPD, a voucher good for one T-shirt at Guerrilla Graphix, a $10 gift certificate to Central Park Hair Studio, $10 in eats at Taj Palace Indian Restaurant, an Alibi toothpick holder and a commemorative 2007 Fall Crawl VIP badge.


Best Haiku About Caffeine


Has lit up more eyes
than Edison's bright lightbulb
and caused more lost sleep
—Larry Elmore

Just reading all these highly caffeinated haiku gave us the jitters. Larry Elmore's well-crafted 17 syllables topped the judges' lists for its accusatory approach to the subject. Elmore can get his caffeine fix with a $10 gift certificate to Gold Street Caffè, a $10 voucher good at Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory (bearer of coffee's best friend), a voucher good for one T-shirt at Guerrilla Graphix, a $10 gift certificate to Central Park Hair Studio, $10 in eats at Taj Palace Indian Restaurant, an Alibi toothpick holder and a commemorative 2007 Fall Crawl VIP badge.


Most Mysterious Haiku


Outside the window
I found two pieces of corn,
And they were buttered
—Will Geusz, AHS

This category posed some conceptual problems for many entrants. Some even wrote about how impossible it is to write a "mysterious" haiku. But Will Geusz got it. Buttered corn? Nice. His prize package includes a $10 gift certificate to Hinkle Family Fun Center, a voucher good for one T-shirt at Guerrilla Graphix, a $10 gift certificate to Central Park Hair Studio, $10 in eats at Taj Palace Indian Restaurant, an Alibi toothpick holder, a commemorative 2007 Fall Crawl VIP badge and a possibly expired (it’s a mystery!) certificate for membership at Burning Paradise Video.


Best Haiku About Burquewood


Hoping that guard dogs
and burnt Hummer carcasses
are part of the set
—Andrea Greenlee

Downtown Albuquerque has appeared downright apocalyptic at times. Andrea Greenlee's tiny poem captured the very essence of Burquewood as viewed from outside the biz. She gets a $20 gift certificate to Tucanos Brazilian Grill, a voucher for one T-shirt at Guerrilla Graphix, a $10 gift certificate to Central Park Hair Studio, a $10 certificate good at Gold Street Caffè (for rubbing elbows with industry peeps), an Alibi toothpick holder and a commemorative 2007 Fall Crawl VIP badge.


Best Haiku About Superpowers


Wouldn't it be nice
to melt your enemy's face
right off their fat head?
—Laz Romankiw, AHS

Yes. Yes, it would! The judges couldn't count the number of times on all our fingers and toes we've wished for that same super-ability. If you figure out how to do it, Laz Romankiw, please teach us. Until then, enjoy a voucher for one T-shirt at Guerrilla Graphix, a $10 gift certificate to Central Park Hair Studio, $10 in eats at Taj Palace Indian Restaurant, an Alibi toothpick holder, a commemorative 2007 Fall Crawl VIP badge and $20 good at Hinkle Family Fun Center (for superpower practice).


Best Haiku About Rectangles


I run my hands down
your long side, always equal
corners turn me on
—Andrew Kolberg, AHS

Andrew Kolberg took geometry into the realm of passion with his haiku about everyone's favorite wannabe square. In return, Kolberg receives a $25 gift certificate to JC's NYPD, a voucher good for one T-shirt at Guerrilla Graphix, a $10 gift certificate to Central Park Hair Studio, $10 in eats at Taj Palace Indian Restaurant, an Alibi toothpick holder and a commemorative 2007 Fall Crawl VIP badge.


Best Haiku About How You Spent Your Stimulus Check


Kite, shank, shoelaces
A life-size C-3PO
Porcelain penguin
—Bridgette McMahon and Kurt Johnson

Many, many (so many) of the haiku entries in this category had something to do with a tank of gas. Some were great (see "Ku Continued"), but Bridgette McMahon and Kurt Johnson’s shopping list spoke to the impulse spender in us all. They get to divvy up a $20 gift certificate to Tucanos Brazilian Grill, a voucher good for one T-shirt at Guerrilla Graphix, two $10 gift certificates to Central Park Hair Studio (a haircut for each), $10 in eats at Taj Palace Indian Restaurant, an Alibi toothpick holder and a commemorative 2007 Fall Crawl VIP badge.


Best Haiku About Poo


Felt I needed a
tremendous defecation
when we were flirting
—Andrew Fabry

Hats off to everyone who submitted a poo ku. Your bravery in taking on toilet poetry is craptastic. But in the end, Andrew Fabry takes the big one—the title of best haiku about shit. He gets a $20 gift certificate to Tucanos Brazilian Grill, a voucher good for one T-shirt at Guerrilla Graphix, a $10 gift certificate to Central Park Hair Studio, $10 in eats at Taj Palace Indian Restaurant, an Alibi toothpick holder, a commemorative 2007 Fall Crawl VIP badge and a bonus $10 gift card to Hinkle Family Fun Center.


Best Miscellaneous Haiku


I am in love with
my dentist’s receptionist.
I have stopped brushing.
—Frank Calabretta

This was, by far, the toughest category to judge. It was Frank Calabretta's anecdote about a secret love that finally ran away with our hearts. He makes off with a (miscellaneous) prize pack including a $25 gift certificate to JC's NYPD, an inflatable Margaritaville pool toy (we think) from Nick Brown's floor, a voucher good for one T-shirt at Guerrilla Graphix, four soy sauce packets, a $10 gift certificate to Central Park Hair Studio, a zombie bumper sticker from Burning Paradise Video, $10 in eats at Taj Palace Indian Restaurant, an Alibi toothpick holder and a commemorative 2007 Fall Crawl VIP badge.


Ku Continued

More Haiku to Feed a Revolution


Traditional


Nature is urban
As light posts became the sun
We become machines.
—Carolina Gomez, AHS

Twenty birds eating
Sudden sound breaks the silence
Swift rain in reverse
—Julia Mace

Sparrow's crusty bread,
stale and hard as intended,
waits for the next bird
—Chris Jacobsen

February moon
is long in the winter sky—
stars shiver and fade
—Kathryne Lim

Two birds call greetings
from across a distant field
wonder how you are
—Adele Dunne

mountain sides afire
gold crowns beneath azure sky
welcoming the cold
—Morgan Matthew, AHS

"The Q"


Who is this Duke guy?
Better than Earl of Sandwich
But less tasty name
—Joshua Wilson

Burque por vida
Who wants to call it "The Q"?
Only the mayor
—Michael Green

At dawn bright valley
At dusk soft pink Sandias
Between I survive
—Anthony Masi

Haiku's in "The Q"
each year in the Alibi
Win Don Schrader's pants!
—Dan Otero

"Q" helps with homework,
washes dishes, takes out trash
What a "friendly" god
—Richard Wolfson

Caffeine


I drank a Red Bull
Energy filled my body
Now I have cancer
—Will Geusz, AHS

After five coffees,
I'm thinking this must be the
Best haiku ever!!!!
—Richard Fye

Caffeinated drinks
Aren't really my cup of tea
Ha ha, tea ... get it?
—Emily Schmeltzer

Twitching as I write,
Six Mountain Dews or seven,
Did you hear that noise?
—Rich Groot

Jittery. Sweaty.
Still paying off my latte
Goddamn you, Starbucks!
—Joshua Wilson

Mysterious


Wee plastic ninja
Master of hide and go seek
Bow to the remote
—Rich Groot

telephone pole sits
paved road emanating heat
crow laughs silently
—David Bowes

A walk at midnight
Frigid fingers trace my back;
Gone without a scream.
—Hannah Brown

I've keratosis,
Coitus interruptosis,
And halitosis.
—Kevin WetSpot

Burquewood


I want to be more
than "drunk girl number thirteen"
in life's end credits
—Andrea Greenlee

Worked on three movies.
It was great, food, pretty girls.
I saw a nipple.
—Richard Chong

Jessica Alba
Can't find good food in Burque
Better go home then
—Bennigna Rivera

extras sit with hope
in little room with peanuts
they don't care bout you
—David Bowes

Lights? flashing marquee
Camera? captures image
Action? "Cops," Burque.
—Stephen Welford, AHS

Superpowers


Tired of glasses?
Radioactive spiders.
That's all I'm saying.
—Tahemet Allegra

X-ray vision fails.
I see through the dress, but I
see through the boobs, too.
—Jason Zsemlye

By superpowers
Do you mean, like, huge countries?
Or amazing skills
—Joshua Wilson

Oil and blood in mud,
a mix of cultural cud
a dollar above
—Chris Jacobsen

Rectangles


Ships navigate through
the Bermuda Rectangle
without incident.
—Sue McGilpin, Calif.

Quadrilateral
Riemann integral limit
Parallelogram
—Trevor Turbov, AHS

It’s impossible
To write a poem that does
Rectangles justice
—Barak Freedman, AHS

Call me four sided
disdain my right angles, but
it beats being square
—Larry Elmore

Stimulus Check


Paying off Visa,
Burger I ate long ago,
Would eat you again
—Rich Groot

Handheld massager
Fed Ex'd from Copenhagen.
Stimulus package.
—Sue McGilpin, Calif.

Backyard drink-a-thon
tiki torches two for four
rent is a bit late
—Andrea Greenlee

With my stimulus,
I bought a half tank of gas,
and well, that was it.
—Lydia Fernandes

Get stimulus check 
Deposit in Swiss account
Don't tell anyone
—Dan Otero

Poo Ku


This must not be too    
obvious or lowbrow—corn!  
Shit, I just said corn.
—Jason Zsemlye

Beware of skid marks
If you tend to rub your ass
Against your fabrics
—Bridgette McMahon

Brown islands spinning
a yellow ocean rinses
away evidence
—Gail Donnelly

elegant nugget
symbol of profound relief
this one's a keeper
—Aaron Lowe

Olympic hopeful
In Beaver, Oklahoma
Tosses a cow chip
—Marie Oberle, Minn.

Miscellaneous


beautiful is she
with an ass like an onion
so sweet makes me cry
—David Bowes

Don't leave your handprints
in my wet cement, just mine
I want no regrets.
—Madeline Alfero

Neglected peach tree
In the neighbor’s front driveway
Think I’ll help myself
—Julia Mace

Welcome to space ice
May I take your order please?
Yes, one scoop of Mars
—Paula Singleton, Texas

Your voice is like hot
cocoa, rich and warm with those
tiny marshmallows.
—Peter Cornelius, AHS

I don't want to make
the last line five. I really
want to make it six.
—Cody Marquez, HHS

Holla hu-holla!
What’s good, what’s good-what’s good, what’s
Goood! Get atcha gurrrl.
—Kimberly Carter, AHS

Can't wait ’til Thursday
Waiting, anticipating
Weekly Alibi
—Michael Green


Tune into “Afternoon Freeform” hosted by Travis Parkin on KUNM 89.9 FM from 1:30 to 4 p.m. on Thursday, Sept. 11, to hear readings from this and past Alibi haiku contests. Inspired to haiku? Add your ad hoc ku content to this article by posting a comment below.

 

Today's Events

See the world premiere of the Albuquerque 48 Hour Horror Film Project, films made just days earlier.

Run Boy Run • progressive, bluegrass at Low Spirits

Corrales Maze at Wagner's Farmland Experience

More Recommented Events ››
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