Alibi Bucks
 Sep 10 - 16, 2009 


Bite-Size Beauties

The Alibi’s annual Haiku Contest winners


In Japan, haiku are traditionally short poems focused on the natural world and our place in it. This being America, we like to take tradition, dip it in batter, fry it up and serve it on a stick. 

This year, haiku entries of all flavors came pouring in from middle and high schoolers, inmates and apostrophe abusers. It was difficult to narrow down the nearly 3,000 haiku we received, but our commitment to art demanded nothing less. Our favorites in each category will receive a $20 gift certificate from Gold Street Caffè, a gift certificate for $15 to Yoga Now, a $10 cert from Pin It Up Hair Studio, $10 worth of pie from Pizza 9, two movie passes to Guild Cinema and an authentic (and classy) Alibi bottle opener key chain! Winners can pick up their loot at our headquarters (413 Central SE) Monday through Friday, 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., or e-mail to make other arrangements. We do not deliver.

Thanks to our judges Jessica Cassyle Carr, Marisa Demarco, Adam Fox, Molly Lindsay, Laura Marrich, John Millington and Ilene Style for their discerning tastes. And a very sincere thanks to all of the entrants. Having to read thousands of fun, weird and moving poems ain't a bad gig.

The Winners

Best Traditional Haiku

sunflowers open
like verbs, hummingbird hangs, a
feathered green comma
—Danny Solis

Best Haiku About the Undead

on Easter Sunday
my five year old child exclaimed
"Jesus!  A zombie!"
—Todd Eddy

Best Haiku About the Recession

I have no teacher
For AP Economy,
APS is broke.
—Beth Wright

Best Haiku That's Also a Jingle

I love my iPhone
I can sit on the toilet
And let loose a tweet.
—Joe Black

Best Haiku About Michael Jackson

More than his music
Michael was the first Black man
To walk on the moon
—Hakim Bellamy

Best Haiku About Sopaipillas

New Mexico meals
end when we lick the honey
off our fingertips.
—Ann McGinley

Best Nursery Rhyme Haiku

Old Mother Hubbard
Living in the South Valley
Makes bomb burritos.
—Charles Gravina

Best Haiku About Dirt

Detroit roach ice cubes.
Brooklyn chicken bone sidewalks.
Burque dirt on toast.
—Emily Severance

Best Haiku About Cryptids

Ach, Wild Haggis.
Ahv no' sen the wee beastie,
bit ye smell 'im 'round!

[translation from the Scottish:
Ah, Wild Haggis.
I've never seen the creature,
yet its fragrance looms.]
—Jordan Ganz

Best Miscellaneous Haiku

That man standing there,
He has a lot of keys. Must
be the janitor.
—Brandon Chapman

Room for More: Other Favorites


Parched life holds its breath—waiting
Smell of desert rain
—Larry Elmore

A dust cloud blows by
Crickets and wind chimes emerge
Beneath restless sky.
—Joel Kurzawa

The Undead

My little toe is small
My big toe is a zombie
My other toes are scared
—Jonathan Coriz, Desert Ridge Middle School

Crunchy and stiff
Hand punching out of the ground
Fingers breaking off.
—Grace Roff

How zombies despair
marching on Capital Hill.
No brains anywhere!
—Jordan Ganz


This whole recesssion,
I've been thinking, "and I thought
Detroit sucked BEFORE."
—Chris Chapin

Also a Jingle

If ever you want
To paper your new bird cage
Alibi works well
—Joe Black

Alternative source
All your news, views, and the Don.
Weekly Alibi
—Rich Newman

Mattress Firm.  Where it’s
Easy to get a crappy
Bed. Wow! Twist ending!
—Bella Pori

Michael Jackson

Not Until He Died
Did I Really Sit
And Appreciate "Earth Song"
—Laurel Butler

This man dances good
But he likes to grab his groin
I think something is wrong!   
—Carlos Montano, Desert Ridge Middle School

Before his death I’d
Always assumed the aliens
Loaned him to us
—Hakim Bellamy
[Editor’s note: Not 5-7-5, but too good not to include.]


Warm cotton batting
Unraveling in my mouth
Ribbons of honey
—Lauren C. Teffeau

I can’t take you home,
You just don’t keep very well.
Like my poetry.
—Patrick Hibbard

Santa Fe Santa:
Christmas gifts of red and green,
sopaipilla sack.
—Jordan Ganz

Nursery Rhymes

Nursery rhymes are
Fun when you're young but as you
Age they get freaky
—Mary Farrah

Living in a shoe
The old lady with the kids
Rhythm method sucks
—Joe Black

I hate nursery rhymes
Jack should jump over a cliff
Not a candlestick.
—Chad Smith, Desert Ridge Middle School


What to say of dirt?
Does Old Dirty Bastard count
in a dirt haiku?
—Jordan Ganz

gossip's sad appeal
is that other people's dirt
makes us feel cleaner
—Jeffrey D. Miller

Dank and full I hope
My compost draws out richness
I love rotted beets
—Kristen Sandoval


You ate my puppy
So don’t pretend you’re not real
Bad chupacabra!
—Hope Eckert

Yeti supports plan
of public health care—its lack
—Emily Severance

New status update.
Mothman lives in Point Pleasant. 
We're friends on Facebook.
—Sue McGilpin


Haikus are so lame,
they never make any sense,
—Christina Barajas

waiting for my cat
his conspicuous absence
proves most difficult
—Micheal Henry Lee

Toddler hell-bent on
destruction and suicide.
Also likes Elmo.
—Holly Hargrove

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