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 V.22 No.6 | February 7 - 13, 2013 

Alibi Sex Survey

My secret turn-on is …

The results are in, and it comes as no surprise that the Duke is one kinky city. The purpose of sex has evolved for many into a recreational activity, rather than a species-perpetuating endeavor. Note that, of the 800+ answers, not a single response included “procreation.” Instead, we see a varied, colorful list of hedonistic sensory indulgences, elaborate fantasies, yearnings for specific body parts, items of clothing, bodily fluids, and appetites for complicated sex acts that would challenge even the most adept multi-tasker.

At the tippy-top of the list, dominating the competition with a whopping 14% of all responses, is the secret turn-on of BDSM—These responses included any ravenous acts involving domination, submission, physical restraint, power, pain, humiliation, punishment and so on. Turn-ons varied from the lighter stuff, such as hair-pulling and spanking, to more advanced BDSM acts, like play rape, or #396, “Domming boys until they cry.” Check out my web-exclusive article for a list of BDSM dos, don’ts, and tips.

Click here for complete secret turn-on report! It’s red-hot!
Click here for complete secret turn-on report! It’s red-hot!

Coming in second, with 8% of all responses, was the gregarious turn-on of various forms of group sex, aka orgies—threesomes, foursomes and “moresomes” (#536). These responses included exhibitionism, voyeurism, husbands, wives, boyfriends, girlfriends and strangers, as well as the ever-popular “double penetration” fantasy. Hey, who doesn’t like a two-for-one special?

The more common turn-ons popped up often as well: biting, role-play, feet/shoes/toes, oral sex, body hair, foreign accents and sex in public. The most desired body part turned out to be ears/earlobes, beating out breasts/nipples as well as asses. Another shocking result: Eyebrows get Alibi readers hotter than stockings and pantyhose!

Here are some of the more notable responses from the survey:

Most original: #53—Elves

#141—Getting Mugged

Most gansta: #368—Girls who pack

Most confounding: #387—Lamb dead and cooked

Is this a culinary fantasy or more of a satanic ritual fantasy? Maybe both.

Most civilized: #739—Watching women cook and take little sips of wine in between chopping and chatting

Most hillbilly: This one’s a four-way tie.

#350—Buck teeth

#654—Beer breath

#761—Missing tooth

#783—Pickle breath

Most nostalgic: #782—Marky Mark in 1990

Such a good vibration, indeed.

Most elaborate: #234—Being choked out by an illegal alien originally hired to lay tile in my best friend's walk-in humidor while masturbating to pictures of Stephen Hawking

Most exotic: #735—Frosting

This one required research, and appears to be a close cousin to felching.

Silliness aside, there’s an important insight to take away from these survey results: While your secret turn-ons may be too transgressive for you to openly explore or even admit, they are, by no means, uncommon or peculiar. One person’s “kink” is another person’s “vanilla.” If you can find a partner or partners that share your fantasies, they are no longer secrets, and with any luck, they are no longer fantasies, but a fun reality: Something you can, at worst, cross off your check list of curiosities and, at best, incorporate into your sexy fun time!

Click here for complete survey results. You’ll laugh. You’ll cry. You’ll explode in a gooey mess of ecstasy.

Wrathchild is an unemployed Albuquerque musician who enjoys masturbating, sleeping, listening to records, stiff vodka cocktails, stiff penises and live music.

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