Alibi Sex Survey
Whatever Turns You On
Burqueño turn-offs and anatomical fetishes
Among those surveyed, the top three turn-offs are: poor hygiene at 22.6 percent; stupidity at 19.2 percent and arrogance at 14.3 percent. If you wanna get close to the Burqueños y Burqueñas who comprise our sample, suds up on the reg, read voraciously, think critically and cultivate reason and perspective. Second-runners up in the eye-rolling, fight-or-flight mating response include: being overweight at 10.7 percent—highly subjective when even “perfect” bodies are Photoshopped into uncanny valley-territory—smoking at 9.2 percent; bad teeth at 8.2 percent; and body odor and bad breath at 7.9 and 7.3 percent respectively. If you're looking for loving, survey says: Stay fit, quit smoking, get your dental hygiene on, invest in a signature scent and carry breath mints. Leered at from a certain angle, our 2014 turn-off stats have a smell good, get smart, stay humble, take care of your oral health, stop-smoking-or-at-least-carry-mints vibe. From an interpersonal perspective, these are good tips for pretty much anyone—not only seekers of true romance, lust or something in between.
In these parts
Corporeal consensus is dominated by a predilection for the windows of the soul (aka eyes) at 60.8 percent and the junk in the trunk (aka ass) at 60.5 percent. Breasts and faces are only slightly less popular with our respondents, tied at 47.3 percent. We didn’t limit participants to merely one body part, so these percentages serve less as a chart than a soft-focus, Vaseline-smeared lens into the ways of the flesh in the 505. After peepers, buns and boobs, the inhabitants of our burg are into the bust's humble counterpart, the chest (32.2 percent), arms (30.7 percent) and hands (22 percent). Either the foot fetishist contingent boycotted our survey—skewing our sample hopelessly—or voting with (and adoring) feet actually scored 8.1 percent. On the lower end of the spectrum, the stomach—whether your pleasure is six-pack abs or a nice, round tummy—was cited by 2 percent. There's not a whole lot of shaking going on in the hips or shoulders department at 1 percent each. A sprinkling of fans of iliac crests, armpits and, ahem, brains piped in, too.