Alibi Sex Survey
All Worked Up
By August March
The Alibi’s second annual Sex Survey asked readers what local business has the sexiest staff, and the results were provocative. It’s no secret most of us spend a significant amount of time making the doughnuts, but who would have thunk so many gorgeous, awesome, desirable and reverie-inducing humans were busy rabbiting away at jobs that range from restaurants to supermarkets, from storied publication houses to alt.sex shops and institutions of higher learning.
As long as you keep your interactions appropriate and your professional and personal motives pure and transparent, you can be as sexy as you feel. If your coworkers follow suit and project the same confident but wickedly restrained command of sexuality you do, Mr. and Ms. Worker Bee, your business can successfully make the leap from drab to fab, from stunned to stunning. Just don’t get too carried away.
With those sort of prerequisites in mind, it’s no wonder Self Serve Sexuality Resource Center garnered 50 percent more votes than the number two spot for sexy staff, your own friendly local alt.weekly aka Weekly Alibi. Further analysis reveals Self Serve had a distinct advantage because of their line of work; here at the Alibi, we merely trade in dreams, freedom and information. That’s pretty sexy, but it just doesn’t beat purveyors of products that are actually used in the human lovemaking ritual and classes in very hot subjects. For research purposes, I attempted to read a restaurant review during an amorous encounter; believe me, it’s just not the same. Plus, we’re way too busy making the best newspaper in the multiverse to have more than a second to consider our collective sexiness.
After the first two, the results are pretty spread out, with responses like bar, café, foods and Nob Hill driving the upper data ranks. Obvious choices like Trader Joe’s, TD’s and Hooters round out the uppermost spots, but the best responses were the singular ones. For instance, respondent #78 chats up Surplus City, while another fancies the Octopus Car Wash on San Mateo. At least one reader is convinced the District Attorney’s Office has a noticeably sultry vibe to it; yet another passionate patron responded by referring us to a local auto graveyard called U Pull & Pay.
Besides the two clear winners and as a group, responses were focused heavily on the bar and restaurant industries with several coffee shops and beauty parlors thrown in for good measure. Interestingly tattoo and piercing shops are mostly absent from the proceedings. There were no undertakers or plumbers represented, either. But there’s always next year ...
If there’s any statistical significance to this part of the survey, it’s qualitative not quantitative. Our conclusion: Many people in Burque are confident about positively expressing their sexy selves even while networking.
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