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 V.23 No.14 | April 3 - 9, 2014 

BOB: Photo Winners

Tess Holmes, daughter of Jayme Holmes and Bonnie Minkus Holmes
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Lynette Silva
Tess Holmes, daughter of Jayme Holmes and Bonnie Minkus Holmes

Burque's Cutest Baby

Babies are better seen than heard. That’s why radio stations don’t run best baby contests. Anyway, from an evolutionary standpoint, babies look cute so we won’t eat them or take away their pacifiers out of spite or cruelty. Often, we’ll adorn them in hats and costumes as an additional precautionary measure, though science has yet to establish a uniform unit for detecting and measuring cuteness. Hats can help, though. Behold now Best of Burque’s Cutest Baby. May this honor forever haunt the memory of mankind. (CP)

Malcolm Alexander
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Sarah Montes
Yes, that’s a dachsund in a bow tie. His name is Malcolm Alexander.

Burque's Best Dog

In legend, the Prince of Gwynedd returned home to find his baby missing. Amid signs of a struggle, his faithful hound Galert sat waiting beside the bloodshed. Assuming his baby had been eaten, the prince drew his sword and killed Galert in a rage. Only afterward did he notice his baby unharmed in a corner beside the body of the wolf Galert had saved him from. So think about that. We now proudly present the Best Dog in Burque, Malcolm Alexander. (CP)

“The porcupine car”
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Kelly Vickers
“The porcupine car”

Burque's Coolest Car

What do you think about when you’re trying to go to sleep at night? Brutus de Cervantes, Alibi’s regular “Rowdy’s Dream Blog” contributor, tries to imagine the coolest car. According to his descriptions, the cars are quite elaborate and often include sleeping quarters and televisions. No actual car could attain that level of improbably luxury, but many cars are cool. Here is this year’s Coolest Car in Burque. (CP)

A tribute to our guv: "Your day just got a little bit wetter."
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A tribute to our guv: "Your day just got a little bit wetter."

Burque's Weirdest Tattoo

There was outrage in 2011 over a photo of a tattooed baby. New York resident Franny Trokerns reportedly allowed her sometimes-boyfriend and tattoo artist Derrek Honsteads to ply his trade on her 9-month-old. revealed that the photographed baby was just a realistic doll and part of artist Jason Clay Lewis’ latest installation. Some random internet person wrote up the fictional backstory. Tattooed babies notwithstanding, we received some photos of weird tattoos … and this is the Weirdest Tattoo in Burque. (CP)

From left, Cassandra Levi and her famous doppelgänger
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Cassandra Levi
From left, Cassandra Levi and her famous doppelgänger

Best Celebrity Look-Alike

Cassandra Levi

Many readers recognize Christina Applegate as the child actress who played Kelly Bundy on “Married … With Children” but she has also appeared in many major motion pictures, including Will Ferrell’s Anchorman films. In 2008, her courageous battle against breast cancer earned her sympathy and respect worldwide. Cassandra Levi, who looks like her, is this year’s Best Celebrity Look-Alike of Burque. (CP)


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