Alibi V.24 No.48 • Nov 26-Dec 2, 2015 

Bottoms Up

Get Your Drink On

“These are *hic* really mmm derishoussss.”

Hey, you, in the grocery store, with the bottle of pre-fab egg nog. Put that down! You’ve bought all these lovely, local liquors (see our Boozy Gift Guide on p.13) and—let’s be honest—at least one of those is not getting wrapped up for someone else. With all the craziness of the holidays, you need to #treatyoself with some old-fashioned, homemade, boozy goodness. Here, to help you sail through the coming storm of weird relatives and holiday songs played ad nauseam, are a few Alibi Test Kitchen*-approved recipes with enough chemical cheer to get old Scrooge to do the hula.

Watch how much you drink or you might find yourself out a-wassailing on Central in that sexy Santa costume you bought as a “joke.”

*The recipe tester in said kitchen would like to give a huge, sloppy shout-out to the generous angels at Quarters Package Liquor (4516 Wyoming NE) for stocking their shelves with all of her holiday liquor needs and providing the ingredients for testing out the cocktails below so that all of you dear readers don’t have to slog through the millions of gross recipes clogging the Interweb at this time of year.

Wassail
Wassail with floating baked apple
Renee Chavez

Ye Olde Wassail

“Here we come a-wassailing among the leaves so green…”

Ingredients:

10 small apples
10 tsp brown sugar
2 bottles dry sherry
½ tsp ground nutmeg
1 tsp ground ginger
3 whole cloves
¾ tsp ground allspice
1 stick cinnamon
2 cups brown sugar
1-2 cups water (depending on how sweet you like it)
1 cup brandy
Instructions:

1) In a large saucepan or pot, mix sherry, nutmeg, ginger, cloves, allspice, cinnamon, sugar and water. Heat on low for about 30 minutes then strain into glass jars or Tupperware. (Be wary of glass that can crack when suddenly exposed to high heat.) Add the brandy and put in the fridge for 2-3 days.

2) Scoop out the cores of the apples with a melon baller, leaving the bottoms intact. Fill each with a tsp. of brown sugar, place in a baking pan with 1/8 inch water and cover with foil. Bake at 350° for 30 minutes.

3) Heat up the wassail mixture in a pot. Transfer to a punchbowl if ya wanna get fancy. Float apples on top and serve. Watch how much you drink or you might find yourself out a-wassailing on Central in that sexy Santa costume you bought as a “joke.”
Glog
Glog looks harmless but packs a punch
Renee Chavez

Glug Glug Glögg

This is the real reason Grandma got run over by a reindeer.

Ingredients:

1 bottle tawny port
1 bottle Madeira
1 bottle dry sherry
½ bottle dry red wine
15 whole cloves
15 cardamom seeds or a little less than 1 tsp ground cardamom
1 stick cinnamon
½ lb sugar cubes
½-3/4 cup brandy (let’s not be stingy!)
Golden raisins and slivered almonds for garnish (optional)
Instructions:

1) In a large pot, mix port, Madeira, sherry, wine and spices. Heat on medium-low (just don’t let it boil) for 20 minutes. Portion out a about 1 cup of the liquid and set aside.

2) Now for the fun (i.e., dangerous) part. (*Alibi does not accept responsibility for singed eyebrows, house fires, etc.) Place a metal cookie rack over the pot. Arrange the sugar cubes on the rack. Warm the brandy and pour it over the sugar. Stand as far back as your soon-to-be-hairless arm will reach and set it aflame. Pour the saved liquid over the flaming cubes until the sugar is dissolved. Remove rack and give the liquid a good stir to make sure the sugar is really mixed in. Serve in a mug garnished with a few raisins and almonds. Observe as minds explode from how fantastic this is.
Egg Nog
Best egg nog you’ll ever have
Renee Chavez

Crazy NaNa’s Egg Nog

For when your mother plays David Hasselhoff’s Christmas CD for the 47th time…

Ingredients:

4 cups milk
1 1/3 cup sugar
12 large egg yolks
½ cup bourbon
2 cups chilled heavy cream
Ground nutmeg (optional)


Instructions:

1) In medium saucepan, whisk milk and sugar about 1-2 minutes over medium heat until sugar is dissolved. In a large bowl, whisk egg yolks. Whisking constantly and ferociously, have a friend pour the warm liquid into the yolks in a slow, steady stream.

2) Return the mixture to the pan and cook over medium-low heat. Stir constantly until you feel like your poor scrawny arm is about the fall off. Switch arms. Repeat until the mixture has thickened enough to coat the back of a spoon (like a thin custard). Do not let it simmer or cook too long or you will end up with sweet scrambled eggs. Ew.

3) Once thickness perfection has been reached, quickly strain into a bowl. Stir in bourbon and 1 cup cream. Whip the remaining 1 cup cream. If you prefer your nog cold, stick it in the fridge. Some like it hot … wink-wink-nudge-nudge (I do). If that be the case, serve immediately in a mug with a dollop of whipped cream and a dash of nutmeg.
Butter and spice
Butter and spice mixture
Renee Chavez

Not Your Mama’s Hawt Buttered Rum

If you love butter as much as Paula Deen loves butter…

Ingredients:

1 stick butter (I recommend salted)
½ cup packed brown sugar
1 tsp. fresh orange zest
¾ tsp. ground cinnamon
¾ tsp. ground nutmeg
1 ½ oz. dark rum per serving
¾ cup boiling water per serving
1 orange
Instructions:

1) Heat water to boil. Put spices, butter and sugar into a bowl and use a large spoon to mash ingredients together until they are combined. Sure, you could do this in the mixer but it’s a great stress-reducer!

2) Pour rum into mug. Add 2 tablespoons of butter mixture. Pour hot water on top and stir. Cut orange in half and add a little squeeze of fresh orange juice. Say a friendly toast like, “Up yours!” and enjoy.