Alibi V.26 No.14 • April 6-12, 2017 

Best of Burque 2017

Burqueño Borough

cholo dog

Best Local Athlete

Holly Holm

Glorious in victory, Holly Holm is a local champ. Albuquerque born and Bosque Farms raised, Holm started her career as a boxer and kickboxer, eventually moving into the field of mixed martial arts in the Ultimate Fighting Championship, an organization known for bringing the sport to new heights of popularity. Holm is a former UFC Women’s Bantam Weight Champion, and although she has recently met with a couple of stunning deafeats, she continues to plug away heroically in this intense sporting spectacle.

Best TV News Anchor

Tom Joles

KOB-TV’s Tom Joles has been at it for a gazillion years, giving our city a clear and well-pronounced version of the daily news that is sometimes even written by actual journalists. Joles is not only memorable for his dedication to broadcasting but he’s also the badass who allegedly got into fisticuffs with Stuart Dyson while on set. That resulted in a time-out but anyone who knows teevee in this town knew it wouldn’t be permanent. People like Alibi voters lurve Joles, lumps and all.

2) Shelly Ribando

3) Tessa Mentus

Best TV Weatherperson

Steve Stucker

Steve Stucker, over at KOB-TV, has been a teevee weatherman in Albuquerque just about as long as NuCity Publications has been printing Weekly Alibi. He’s been forecasting the weather on the station’s morning show for over 25 years. With a long list of awards, honors and other notable mentions to keep him in the public eye, Stucker has now won this very category you are now reading about for 10 years in a row.

2) Mark Ronchetti

3) Eric Green/Kristen Currie

Best Drag Queen

No Clear Winner

What a drag!

Best Burlesque Performer

Mayo Lua de Frenchie

Mayo Lua de Frenchie carried off this year’s honors for Best Burlesque Performer. With a keen eye toward boudoir fashion, fancifully erotic expressionism in her dance moves and a perverse proclivity for leaving her audiences curiously enthralled yet stunningly satiated, the allure of this performer just can’t be topped, according to our seasoned field of expert readers.

2) Joy Coy

Best Radio Station

KUNM 89.9

Is it any wonder we love KUNM so much? Have you listened to the rest of the stations on your dial? It's like a time machine to 1997. Cheese and rice! At least there's a place to rest our weary ears that still plays weird jazz, the soothing voices of NPR and “Native America Calling”—the only nationally syndicated Native call-in talk show. Also: It makes you seem smart when someone gets in your car.

2) 100.3 The Peak

3) 104.1 The Edge

Best Local Nonprofit

Assistance League of Albuquerque

We know. We know. Charity is not a competition. It's not how much you give, it's blah blah blah. What can we say? We put it on the list mostly as a shaming tactic. Here in ABQ, supporting the less fortunate is a hefty task, and there isn't any room for half-assing. With its numerous philanthropic programs and raw fundraising power, the Assistance League has shown time and again that ABQ is close to its heart.

2) Roadrunner Food Bank

3) Watermelon Mountain Ranch

Best Local Place to Survive the Zombie Apocalypse

Costco

Costco? Oh, you naive Burqueños. First of all—everyone will already be there, since they had the same thought, too: I could totally live on those frozen pizzas for, like, ever. You'll be lucky to get past the perimeter defenses. Second—can you actually imagine what will happen to your insides after years of frozen pizza? I'll take my chances with the zombies.

2) Sandia Crest

Best Annual Charity Event

Assistance League Holiday Gala

Hot damn, do we love a good gala. You may not know it, dear reader, but the Alibi staff clean up pretty nice, if we do say so ourselves. And getting glammed up and glitzed out is always more palatable when it goes alongside some good old-fashioned shopping for charity. Every year, the Assistance League throws the gala to support their Operation School Bell program—putting shoes on kids' feet.

2) Doggie Dash & Dawdle

3) Carrie Tingley Mudd Volleyball

Best Place to Take a First Date

Sandia Crest

Panoramic views to stir the heart, the sensual delights of the natural world, the looming threat of death at the slightest push should things go wrong. Taking first dates to the Sandia Crest makes a pretty strong statement: “I'm fit, I'm outdoorsy and I'm optimistic about this date—since it's a half hour drive back down the mountain.”

Best Place to Get Married

Botanical Gardens

Nothing says romance like sloping, green hills and clusters of exotic flowers. The Botanical Gardens is like some alien island tucked away in the middle of town. What better place is there to initiate your dedication of love than the one spot where you're guaranteed to be transported directly into a romantic painting from the 19th century?

2) Los Poblanos

3) Sandia Crest

Best Reason to Stay in Albuquerque

Climate/Weather

We're told this is the “Land of Entrapment,” and if there's one culprit barring us from leaving, it's that near-perfect weather. Sure, we get snowstorms and heat waves from time to time, but overall, you couldn't ask for a more beautiful, well-rounded climate. White winters? Warm summers? Rich in-betweens? We've got them! The occasional showers and thunderclaps? We've got those, too.

2) Food, green chile

3) People