If you're a Burque newbie, don't be alarmed by bitter, naysaying locals who trumpet on and on about how little there is to do in this town you chose to set up shop in. Fact is, they're all flat-out wrong. As proof, we present our Weekly Alibi Annual Survival Calendar, highlighting the events and various goings on we think you might just be interested in checking out and/or participating in over the next 12 months.
Let's just get something straight here: This is not a bar guide. If you're looking to drown your sorrows in a neighborly booze hole, we suggest a quick browse through a telephone directory. Swill beer, pump quarters into the jukebox and wipe your tears with a Yellow Page for all we care. This little guide is a live music locator. It's an odd assortment of restaurants, clubs, coffeehouses and other performance spaces where one so inclined can enjoy live music-based entertainment or a reasonable facsimile thereof. So whether you get down to Paul Simon or Skinny Puppy, you're bound to find the music you crave at one of these local venues.
Here's the handiest list of phone numbers you'll ever own. When available, TTY and TTD numbers and e-mail and World Wide Web addresses are listed just to make your life easier. As with all things related to city, county, state and federal government, the contact information listed below is subject to change without notice. And don't be shocked if you're forced to wade through endless voicemail menus to get to a human being. We can only do so much.
Most people say that the only certainties in life are death and taxes, but if you want to drive, you will also have to make a few inevitable (and oh so thrilling) treks to the MVD. While the trip to wait hours in line for yet another unflattering license picture can seem daunting, the Alibi is here to guide you through the MVD process. It is sometimes quicker to visit one of four MVD Express locations. This private company offers basic services (licenses, titles, and registrations) and promises to have you in and out in less than 15 minutes. Unfortunately, you also have to pay extra for the quick service, bringing the usual $16 fee for a four-year driver license to just over 30 bucks and a one-year registration ($25 at MVD) to $40. Senior citizens (75 and older), who must renew their driver licenses every year, get a bit of a break at $7.95 each (this service is free at the main MVD). Go to www.mvdexpress.com for more information.
It is everyone's worst nightmare: You are sitting quite peacefully, enjoying your tiki cocktail at Burt's and some fine conversation, when you turn around to notice that your purse/wallet/first born child is gone. It is easy to scoff and say that you'll never be the victim of theft, but it is time to face the fact that Albuquerque is full of sticky-fingered misfits, and you just might be the next victim. This year, Weekly Alibi's Survival Guide takes on the issue of looting by answering some pressing questions about getting screwed by a pickpocket.
Because this is the Survival Guide, it can only mean that it's also that time of the year again. Yes, the time when one lucky intern gets the chance of a lifetime. He or she gets the rare privilege to traipse across town exploring the ins and outs of Albuquerque's many grocery stores for the annual Grocery Store Browser, using stealth and cunning to jot down prices and compare shallot freshness. It's an exciting task.
Just think, there are roughly 40 million citizens in America unable to afford health insurance. Meanwhile, if you fall into this category and have a job, your income taxes help provide the finest health care money can buy for members of Congress. So if you are uninsured and stressed out by the prospect of some unforeseen physical tragedy befalling you or your family and wrecking your finances forever, think about those public servants in Washington, D.C. who get a free ride, on your tax dollars, when they visit the doctor.
There are several relatively lucrative ways to sell your body without ending up handcuffed in the back of a patrol car at one o'clock in the morning, screaming for your mama. Even if you've got no education and no marketable skills, you can still make a few bucks here and there by selling yourself—all perfectly legal, I assure you.
Despite our reputation for clean air, clean water and good clean fun, Albuquerque can be a pretty dirty place. When it comes to generating solid waste, our fair town is no better than the next city. The average resident throws away roughly five pounds of trash per day. That same resident dumps as much as one ton of garbage per year (that's the weight of a baby elephant, if you need a visual aid). The city itself generates more than 1,500 tons of trash each day, an increase from 1,100 tons in the early '90s. Clearly, our reputation (or our landfill) isn't as sparkling as we'd like to think.
Everyone falls on hard times, and that's when the following businesses come in handy. You've gotta eat, right? Well, gather up those books you've read three or four times, the CDs that are gathering dust on the shelf and the porn DVDs your significant other doesn't even know you own and turn them into cash. It might be difficult to part with some of your stuff, but you'll feel better after you've had something to eat.