Here's to You, Shorty Pants
The Alibi's 2006 Ridiculously Short Fiction Contest
Well, here we are, once again. We've rifled through an Everest of entries received from as far away as Paraguay and the secret Chinese space station orbiting the planet Neptune. After much sweating, cursing and inter-office bickering, we've finally determined this year's victors.
A Handsome Family Short Story
In exactly 108 words
The Octopus uses three hearts to pump its blood. It thinks not only with its small brain, but with nerve clusters in each arm. In captivity these crafty invertebrates will crawl from their tanks and dismantle plumbing, causing costly flooding. The octopus hypnotizes prey by waving its arms rhythmically in the water. Witnesses report swarms of salmon frozen around a single octopus.
An amalgam of this year’s worst short story contest entries
The night was soft and suffocating like the clingy sundress she wore. "Shake your hips, Talula," he gurgled, moving in time with music she could not hear. They had met on that same country backroad so long ago. Did she remember? He pressed her closer. The farmer's girl, the one with pretty mouth. He wondered if she knew how badly he needed her. How the thought of her sunburned shoulders drove him to the limits of his sanity. Closer and closer. She said nothing still. She's always been such a quiet girl he thought, as red velvet lipstick rememberences turned to blood and piss pooled across lips.
Forces of Nature
An interview with the Handsome Family
We're sitting in Brett and Rennie Sparks' little adobe house in Nob Hill, and it's not at all what we imagined. We were thinking there might be gargoyles over the entrance, maybe some taxidermied owls and a moat. Now that we're here, though, the Handsome Family's home seems perfectly natural.
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