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 V.21 No.33 | August 16 - 22, 2012 
Survival Guide Spectacular


Survival Guide Spectacular

A 1,000-pound gorilla of wisdom

Sound the trumpets! The Weekly Alibi turns the page on its millennial issue this week. That's 1,000 editions of the best food, film, news and entertainment coverage ever to lay ink on this great City of Duke. We drew from this pool of past insight to put together our annual Survival Guide.


Survive! Buffet Endurance Sports


Heap your plate as full as possible. Begin eating. Do not stop eating until your plate is empty. Don’t talk or look up until your plate is empty.


Survive! Collegiate Attire


“Doc Martens, shorts, sundresses, Doc Martens, and tattoos.”


Survive! The Roach Apocalypse


“During the blistering hot day they stayed beneath the floor, within the brick-walled foundation, where the leaky water and waste pipes provided enough support for their hard-shelled orgies.”


Survive! Professional Unemployment


Nothing turns a generous friend, loving mother or gentle lover into bitch concentrate faster than supporting an ungrateful slacker.
Jeremy Eaton


Survive! Matriculation


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courtesy of the artist

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