Week in Sloth
The Week in Sloth
“Wickedly Perfect” (KRQE-13 7 p.m.) These new reality show variations are so weak, I can barely summon up the energy to write capsules about them. This one challenges assorted contestants to become America's newest Martha Stewart-like domestic diva. Wow. Can't wait for the knockdown drag-out “floral arranging” contest.
“The First 48” (A&E 7 p.m.) This new documentary series mixes “COPS” with “CSI.” Since most crimes are solved within 48 hours, or not at all, each episode of this show follows police detectives and forensics experts around the country for the first two days of a particular crime.
Mystery Woman: Mystery Weekend (Hallmark 7 p.m.) Kellie Martin (“ER”) returns as the titular “Mystery Woman,” a bookstore owner/amateur sleuths who solves crimes. Sounds like standard TV movie stuff, but costars Nina Siemaszko (major Cinemax hottie for a year or so thanks to Wild Orchid 2 and Red Shoes Diaries 3) and Deborah Van Valkenburgh (all by MIA after The Warriors and “Too Close for Comfort”) make this an intriguing prospect.
Battlestar Galactica (KOB-4 7 p.m.) In advance of Sci-Fi Channel's upcoming series premiere, NBC replays the mini-series remake that launched a thousand spaceships.
“The Will” (KRQE-13 7 p.m.) CBS sinks to FOX-like depths with this sleazy new reality show in which friends and family of some rich dead rich guy compete in assorted humiliating contests to win his dough. That sort of behavior is only acceptable if you're trying to win Van Halen tickets in a radio station parking lot.
“24” (KASA-2 7 p.m.) Jack (Kiefer Sutherland) returns to CTU to meet with the new director. Something tells me this meeting is not going to go well.
“The 31st Annual People's Choice Awards” (KRQE-13 7 p.m.) It's things like the “People's Choice Awards” here, in which the talents of people like Tim Allen and Adam Sandler are annually saluted, that make me think that ancient Roman senators had the right idea: The common people are just too stupid to make their own decisions. Tonight's show is hosted by former “Seinfeld” cast member Jason Alexander and former “Cosby Show” cast member Malcolm Jamal-Warner, which is pretty much what the people deserve.
“10th Annual Critics Choice Awards” (KWBQ-19 7 p.m.) Well, that's what I get for shooting off my mouth in the last capsule. I'm actually a member of the Broadcast Film Critics Association, which means I voted on these awards. ... But just remember: If you disagree with any of the winners on tonight's show, I voted for someone cooler.
“Queer Eye for the Straight Girl” (Bravo 9 p.m.) Now the Queer Eye gang start telling straight females how to live their lives.
“Quintuplets” (KASA-2 7:30 p.m.) I can't believe this show survived until its season finale. It's already aired more episodes than “Andy Richter Controls the Universe.” How is that fair?