“Will & Grace” (KOB-4 7:30 p.m.) You can tell it's spring when you see the first red-breasted robin. By a similar token, you can tell it's Sweeps Month when “Will & Grace” debuts its first celebrity-choaked episode. In tonight's show, we're graced with the likes of Ed Burns, Jeff Goldblum, Michelle Lee and Chita Rivera. ... Legendary Broadway dancer Chita Rivera? Well, she's no J. Lo, but I guess she'll have to do.
“A Scooby-Doo Valentine” (KWBQ-19 7:30 p.m.) Valentine's Day can be scary, sure--but I've never thought of it as “Scooby-Doo” kind of scary. Here, the Mysteries Inc. gang investigates a series of disappearances on Lover's Lane.
Lackawanna Blues (HBO 9 p.m.) The award-winning play comes to HBO with an impressive cast, including Mos Def, Jeffrey Wright, Jimmy Smits, Louis Gossett Jr., Rosie Perez and Macy Gray. Story tells of a young boy growing up in an African-American boarding house in upstate New York.
“The 47th Annual Grammy Awards” (KRQE-13 7 p.m.) Queen Latifah hosts while a diverse roster of acts (including U2, Green Day, Alicia Keys and Tim McGraw) perform their hits. Expect plenty of tributes to the late, great Ray Charles (who's actually up for seven Grammys).
“Cuts” (KASY-50 7:30 p.m.) My suspicion is that the African-American community isn't quite as deeply obsessed with barber shops as the Hollywood community thinks it is. Nonetheless, here we have a midseason replacement sitcom about a young black barber (Marques Houston, You Got Served) forced to co-manage his family's barber shop with a spoiled white beautician (Shannon Elizabeth, American Pie). Hijinks ensue. Theoretically.
“St. Valentine's Day Massacre” (History Channel 8 p.m.) The sad thing about this holiday is that, with all of today's commercial aspects, people forget the reason for the season: namely, the bloody massacre of several gangsters in 1929 Chicago. History Channel sets us straight.
“Dr. Phil Primetime Special: A Romance Rescue” (KRQE-13 8 p.m.) First, this fat idiot is gonna tell me how to lose weight. Now, this divorced meddler is gonna tell me how to run my love life? What's he gonna tell me next? How to grow hair?
“Gastineau Girls” (E! 11 p.m.) I'm starting to feel sorry for rich people. Not only are their lives sad and pathetic, but they're compelled to go on television and show us all how sad and pathetic they really are. Here, we have a reality series about some rich bimbo who used to be married to a famous football player. Now she drinks, buys clothes and chases men with her equally bimbo-ish daughter. Sigh.
“MythBusters” (Discovery 7 p.m.) Finally! A new episode! On tonight's ep, the boys test the effects of subsonic noise on the human body. Fans of “South Park” will get a giggle out of the title of tonight's show, “The Brown Noise.”