“Hit Me Baby One More Time” (KOB-4 8 p.m.) This may very well be the saddest show I've ever witnessed. It's basically a rip-off of “American Idol,” except that all the performers are washed-up pop stars like Loverboy, A Flock of Seagulls, Tiffany, Wang Chung, Tommy Tutone and Vanilla Ice. The audience votes on which one they'd like to see have a career again. The losers will likely drink themselves to death in a Motel 6 shortly afterwards.
“Dan Finnerty and the Dan Band: I Am Woman” (Bravo 9 p.m.) This concert special features the Dan Band (as seen in Old School), an all-male band that plays tunes made popular by female singers like Alanis Morissette.
The Blob (TCM 6 p.m.) Turner Classics continues its tribute to Steve McQueen by digging up his first major starring role as the rebellious monster-fighting teen in this squishy 1958 shocker.
Bambi (KOAT-7 7 p.m.) Disney digs a classic out of the vault and tosses it onto the small screen.
Crimson Force (Sci-Fi 7 p.m.) Sci-Fi, on the other hand, drags another stinker out of the basement. I keep promising I'm going to stop making fun of Sci-Fi Channel Original Movies. But when they star the likes of direct-to-video king C. Thomas Howell and “Baywatch” bohunk David Chokachi, how can I resist?
“59th Annual Tony Awards” (KRQE-13 7 p.m.) I don't normally go out of my way to recommend this, but tonight's show is sure to have highlights from Monty Python's Spamalot, which I can assure you is worth the price of admission.
“The 4400” (USA 7 p.m.) USA's hit maxi-series returns for a second season, exploring what happens now that the surprise “truth” about the 4,400 abductees is revealed.
“The Comeback” (HBO 10:30 p.m.) Lisa Kudrow stars in this semi-improvised, pseudo reality series about a former sitcom actress poised to make her big comeback.
“The Scholar” (KOAT-7 7 p.m.) In this new reality series, some teenagers move into a “Real World”-style house in Los Angeles where they proceed to buckle down and study in hopes of winning a big college scholarship. That sounds interesting. ... No, wait. What's the term I'm looking for? ... Really freaking boring! That's it.
“Six Feet Under” (HBO 10 p.m.) HBO's look at life in a funeral parlor returns for another season of angst.
“Fire Me, Please” (KRQE-13 8 p.m.) I'm assuming that this summer reality series will suck, just like all the others. But I can't help but find myself vaguely amused by the premise. Two people are given two brand new jobs. Whoever gets fired closest to the show's 3 p.m. target wins.
“The Inside” (KASA-2 8 p.m.) Rachel Nichols (The Amityville Horror) stars as a sexy twentysomething blonde who works as an FBI profiler hunting down serial killers. ... Aren't all FBI profilers sexy twentysomething blondes? Or have movies and TV lied to me yet again?