“Everybody Hates Chris” (KASY-50 7 p.m.) And Chris, apparently, hates Halloween. Especially when he's forced to chaperone his little brother and sister.
“I Shouldn't Be Alive!” (Discovery 7 p.m.) Well, not with that attitude, you shouldn't. Discovery's newest series documents people who have survived horrifying experiences, such as--in tonight's premiere--a shark attack.
“The Secret Life of Vampires” (A&E 7 p.m.) This historical documentary explores more than 100 years of the vampire's impact on pop culture.
“Movies That Shook the World: The Exorcist” (AMC 8 p.m.) Unfortunately, this documentary is accompanied by Exorcist II: The Heretic (5:30 p.m.) and The Exorcist III (8:30 p.m.) and not the original film. But, yes, The Exorcist is a great movie. You might want to go out and rent it.
Cerberus (Sci-Fi Channel 7 p.m.) Ever wonder what happened to Greg Evigan from “My Two Dads”? Apparently, he's now a terrorist who's accidentally woken up Cerberus, the legendary hound of hell. ... Well, it beats a “B.J. and the Bear” reunion.
“Rod Serling: Submitted for Your Approval” (KNME-5 9 p.m.) Friends, family members and colleagues look back at the creativity and ambition of the man behind “The Twilight Zone.”
Thralls (Spike 6 p.m.) Lorenzo Lamas (Ha, ha, ha .... sorry) stars as a vampire living in Iowa (Ha, ha, ha ... there I go again) who keeps six hot “half-vampire” babes chained up in his attic. Why? Well, wouldn't you?
“Possessed Possessions” (TLC 7 p.m.) It's like “Antiques Roadshow” except all the items are allegedly cursed, haunted or otherwise imbued with powers straight out of the “Friday the 13th” TV series.
“The Simpsons” (KASA-2 7 p.m.) Can you believe this is the XVth “Treehouse of Horror” episode? And it's actually airing before Halloween. And it's not the season premiere.
Vampire Bats (KRQE-13 8 p.m.) Lucy Lawless returns in this sequel to CBS' dumb fun monster movie Locusts. This time, Lucy and co. are battling ... well, I think you can figure it out. The scariest part is that cast and crew were forced to abandon New Orleans during the hurricane.
“But Can They Sing?” (VH1 8 p.m.) This gets my vote for the scariest show of the week. This “Dancing With the Stars” rip-off features such notable celebrities as Myrka Dellanos, Carmine Gotti Agnello, Michael Copon and ... wait. Who the hell are these people?
See “Idiot Box.”
“Rodney” (KOAT-7 7:30 p.m.) Rodney invites a special guest (Ignacio Serricchio) home to celebrate Halloween. As usual, Rodney is a day late and a dollar short.
“That '70s Show” (KASA-2 7 p.m.) The final “'70s Show” season kicks off with Jackie trying to win Hyde back. This one needs to be put out of its misery before we wind up with a spin-off called “That Crazy Fez.”