Alibi V.15 No.9 • March 2-8, 2006 

Week in Sloth

The Week in Sloth

Thursday 2

“Skating with the Stars” (KASA-2 8 p.m.) OK, so America didn't win a gold medal in figure skating at the Olympics this year. So what? We can still claim the world's best celebrity skater title. No matter which celebrity comes out on top, America wins.

Friday 3

“37th Annual NAACP Image Awards” (KASA-2 7 p.m.) Cuba Gooding Jr. hosts. Carlos Santana performs. Coretta Scott King is saluted. Jamie Foxx is up for Best Male Musical Artist. Do we really need to encourage him?

“Conviction” (KOB-4 9 p.m.) NBC busts out a new show about ... sigh ... lawyers.

Pat and Mike (Golf Channel 7 p.m.) The Golf Channel in now filling up some empty airtime with golf-related movies. I figure after this 1952 classic, they've got The Legend of Bagger Vance, both Caddyshack movies and then ...

Saturday 4

“The Independent Spirit Awards” (AMC 8 p.m.) Potty-mouthed Sarah Silverman hosts this year's awards for the best independent films--which is only slightly redundant considering most all the nominees (Brokeback Mountain, The Squid and the Whale, Capote, Good Night and Good Luck. TransAmerica) were nominated for Oscars, too.

Sunday 5

“Triumph the Insult Comic Dog” (G4 12 a.m.) The rude puppet escapes his cage at “Late Night with Conan O'Brien” with this 90-minute special featuring some of his most insulting work.

Monday 6

“I Love Toys” (VH1 8 p.m.) VH1's umpteenth “I Love the '80s” variation has stars talking about their favorite toys. Micronauts all the way, baby!

“Pros vs. Joes” (Spike 8 p.m.) Spike's new reality series allows ordinary schlubs to compete against professional athletes. Tonight, armchair quarterbacks go head-to-head with Jerry Rice. Good luck.

“Miracle Workers” (KOAT-7 9 p.m.) It's basically “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition” with 70 percent more sob power.

“Fashion Police: 2006 Academy Awards” (E! 9 p.m.) Who rocked it old school and who laid an egg Björk-syle at last night's Oscars? Find out tonight.

Tuesday 7

“Joey” (KOB-4 7 p.m.) Joey! There you are. Where you been? What are you doing on Tuesday night? ... Oh. Tough break, guy. Been nice knowing you.

“Sons & Daughters” (KOAT-7 8 p.m.) This new mix of scripted and improvisational comedy explores the trials and tribulations of one extended suburban family. Lorne Michaels (“Saturday Night Live”) is the executive producer.

“The Unit” (KRQE-13 8 p.m.) Dennis Haysbert (the now dead--finally--president from “24”) gets his own show, leading a covert special ops team around the world on assorted secret missions.

Wednesday 8

“Top Chef” (Bravo 9 p.m.) Bravo gives the “Top Model”/”Project Runway” treatment to chefs. Is that a good idea? Those people have knives.

“Black. White.” (FX 11 p.m.) Reality TV has already swapped wives. Why not swap races? Seriously. The plot of White Chicks comes to life with black people dressing up as white people and white people dressing up as black people. Does skin color really matter in America? It had better, or this will be one boring show.