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 V.15 No.13 | March 30 - April 5, 2006 

Idiot Box

Utilizer X2000

Too good to be true?

I've seen a lot of infomercials in my time, for products ranging from exercise equipment to popcorn makers, wrench sets to stereo systems. My level of fascination with these staples of late-night TV largely depends on how much bourbon I've guzzled that evening. Until now, though, I've never actually been tempted to pick up the phone and buy something.

But have you caught the ads they've been running for the Utilizer X2000? It's probably too good to be true, but I'm seriously tempted to whip out some plastic and give this thing a whirl.

On the face of it, the Utilizer X2000 seems to be the ultimate combo machine. The commercial features a middle-aged man named Sam and a youngish Asian woman named Cleo. (Damn, she's hot!) The entire show consists of Sam showing Cleo all the amazing things the Utilizer can do.

For starters, the X2000 is a miniature vehicle with an electric engine small enough to not need a license yet large enough to carry you short distances around town. A keyboard console located beside the steering wheel controls most functions of the unit. The Utilizer has wireless Internet access, built-in GPS and a cellular phone unit. It's even got a DVD/CD player.

It actually looks kind of cool, too. It's got a streamlined gun-metal exterior and a comfy-looking chair. The four rubber wheels are pretty large, so it looks fairly stable.

Pop open a back panel and a whole range of additional features are revealed. The electric engine is connected to a vacuum hose, a drill press, a circular saw and a small, but serviceable hot plate. (Sam illustrated this last feature by making Cleo a ham and cheese omelet.)

Even more amazing is the fact that with a few quick and seemingly simple adjustments you can attach a peddling mechanism down by your feet to a drive shaft. Yeah, seriously—the Utilizer even works as an exercise machine! (Although you really have to wonder how easy it is to peddle around in a vehicle stocked with all that heavy equipment.)

The Utilizer is available in three easy payments of $199.99. According to Sam, if you order now, they'll even throw in a free “X2000” bomber jacker and “driving goggles.”

What do you think? Sounds pretty cheap for such an astonishing machine. Unfortunately, I can't find much about it on the web. The website, www.utilizer.com, just repeats all the information in the infomercial. I have the phone number burned in my brain, though: 1-800-UTILIZER. It's haunting me. I think I might have to go for it.


Today's Events

Friday Filmmakers Coffee at Jean Cocteau Cinema

A get-together for professional filmmakers who are actively working in the industry in New Mexico.

Night Skies at N4th Theater

Tomorrow's Events

Pizza Girl Massacre DVD Release Party at Tricklock Performance Laboratory

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