“Who Wants to be a Superhero?” (Sci-Fi 7 p.m.) Marvel comics king Stan Lee presides over a reality show in which costumed geeks try to impress him with their ideas for the next great superhero sensation.
“Garth Marenghi’s Darkplace” (Sci-Fi 8 p.m.) This spoofy series is allegedly an unearthed ’80s horror TV show, complete with poor production values, awful dialogue and hilarious violence. The series (which steals an idea or two from “The Office”) is supposedly the brainchild of horror author (and star) Garth Marenghi (actually comedian Matthew Holness). It is set in a British hospital in Romford, which is situated over the gates of Hell. Seriously funny stuff!
“Night Stalker” (Sci-Fi 6 p.m.) Odds are pretty good you missed this recent remake of the cult classic ’70s TV series (“Kolchak: The Night Stalker”) starring Stewart Townsend. (After all, they only aired three episodes.) But, starting tonight, you can catch the show and all of its unaired eps.
“Feasting on Asphalt” (Food Network 7 p.m.) Food Network’s resident genius Alton Brown hops on his motorcycle (an odd sight) and heads out on the highway looking for regional favorites. In tonight’s premiere, he’s down South in search of chocolate malts and pickled pigs feet.
“Eye See You” (Spike TV 7 p.m.) So where has Sylvester Stallone been since the turn of the century? Well, aside from his villainous turn in Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over, he’s been enjoying direct-to-video status in films like Avenging Angelo, Shade and this crummy 2002 slasher film, making its TV debut.
“StarTomorrow” (KOB-4 7 p.m.) You know what’s really missing on TV these days? A reality show in which ordinary people can audition to become American’s next singing stars, and the audience at home can vote on the winners. ... Well, what do you know? My prayers are answered. Now if somebody could only come up with a reality show in which a bunch of hot young twentysomethings are locked in a house together and recorded 24 hours a day.
“One Ocean View” (KOAT-7 9 p.m.) Hot damn! My prayers are answered yet again!
“Best of the Worst Red Carpet Moments” (E! 7 p.m.) I don’t know who contributed the term “nipple slip” to our modern lexicon, but where would Tara Reid be without it?
Tail Sting (Sci-Fi 7 p.m.) Genetically altered scorpions escape from containment and attack passengers aboard a plane. ... Wait. Are you telling me it’s motherf*&#ing scorps on a plane? Where’s Samuel L. Jackson when you need him?
“Criss Angel: Back to School” (A&E 8 p.m.) Criss heads back to his home turf to visit his favorite haunts and neighborhood high schools. ... Yeah, how much you wanna bet Criss was the biggest dork imaginable in high school?