Alibi V.16 No.4 • Jan 25-31, 2007 

Week in Sloth

The Week in Sloth

Thursday 25

“Pros vs. Joes” (Spike 8 p.m.) Spike’s sporting gameshow pitting professional athletes against ordinary guys returns for another season with tonight’s episode “So You Think You Can Stop Michael Irvin?”... Actually, no. No, I don’t. Do we really need a whole hour to prove that?

Friday 26

“Little Beauties: Ultimate Kiddie Queen Showdown (VH1 7 p.m.) If you wanna relive the end of Little Miss Sunshine, this scary one-hour documentary will do it for you.

Saturday 27

Gryphon (Sci-Fi 7 p.m.) Sci-Fi Channel unleashes another giant, computer-generated mythical creature. Followed at 9 p.m. by Manticore. ... OK, now you’re just flipping through the Dungeons & Dragons Monster Manual looking for inspiration.

Sunday 28

“2007 SAG Awards” (TNT/TBS 6 p.m.) This is generally one of the classier pre-Oscar awards shows. For starters, Sacha Baron Cohen is not nominated.

The Valley of Light (KRQE-13 8 p.m.) Chris Klein (American Pie) stars in this Hallmark Hall of Fame movie about a lonely veteran with a “preternatural gift for fishing” (I’m not making this up) who returns home after World War II and falls in love with a small-town widow (Grechen Mol, The Notorious Bettie Page). Isn’t this the plot to pretty much every Hallmark Hall of Fame movie?

“King of the Hill” (KASA-2 7:30 p.m.) For its 10th, and very likely final, season, “King of the Hill” finally makes the jump to the 7:30 p.m., post-“Simpsons” timeslot. I can’t believe it took FOX this long to figure out how to put together an all-animation lineup for Sunday nights. Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out, “War at Home.”

Monday 29

“Heroes” (KOB-4 8 p.m.) “Trek” fans take note: George Takei (Mr. Sulu himself) guest stars as Hiro’s father!

The Show (TCM 6 p.m.) TCM pulls an obscure silent film by Tod Browning (The Unholy Three, Dracula, Freaks) from the vaults. This macabre 1927 melodrama concerns a carnival pitchman (John Gilbert) who seduces a hoochie coochie dancer while hanging out with Arachnia the spider woman and Neptunia the mermaid. Keeping things in the sideshow mood are Freak (7:30 p.m.) and The Elephant Man (8:45 p.m.).

Tuesday 30

“Bam’s Unholy Union” (MTV 10:30 p.m.) Honestly, anyone who gets married on an MTV/VH1 reality show (Jessica Simpson, Travis Barker, Christopher Knight, Carmen Electra) deserves a divorce in six months. That goes double for you, Bam.

“Wrestling Society X” (MTV 11:30 p.m.) This new “professional” wrestling show is supposed to appear all gritty and underground. Metal bands play, the ring looks like a rundown warehouse and the camerawork is supposed to mimic a reality show. Don’t get all excited, though, Junior. It was shot in a studio in Hollywood.

Friday 31

“Top Design” (Bravo 9 p.m.) What if you took “Top Chef”/“America’s Next Top Model”/“Project Runway” and made it about interior designers instead? ... Well, you’d have Bravo’s next reality series.