Week in Sloth
“The Bourne Identity” (USA 6 p.m.) Otherwise known as “Your chance to remember what the hell it was that made Matt Damon’s character so damn mad before you go see the sequel this weekend in theaters.”
Love Me Tender/Honeymoon in Vegas (TV Land 6 p.m./8 p.m.) TV Land salutes Elvis with a King-centric double feature. First up, Elvis woos Debra Paget dressed as a cowboy. Next, Nicolas Cage woos Sarah Jessica Parker dressed as Elvis.
“Masters of Science Fiction” (KOAT-7 9 p.m.) This four-part series adapts classic sci-fi short stories with impressive casts and name directors. In this first ep, based on a story by John Kessell, a psychiatrist (Judy Davis) interrogates an amnesiac man (Sam Waterston) in a post-apocalyptic world. Mark Rydell (On Golden Pond) directs.
Killer Wave (ION 7 p.m.) Ion (formerly PAX) speculates on what would happen if scientists tried to control the weather. Turns out they’d create a massive tsunami, an excuse for an epic disaster movie and a prime employment opportunity for Tom Skerritt.
“The Company” (TNT 7 p.m.) Chris O’Donnell, Alfred Molina and Michael Keaton star in this expensive three-week mini-series about CIA recruitment during the Cold War. Brothers Ridley and Tony Scott produce.
“Fat March” (KOAT-7 8 p.m.) Fat people. Walking across America. Enjoy.
“Power of 10” (KRQE-13 7 p.m.) Drew Carey (the new Mr. Price is Right) hosts this gameshow in which people try to guess the percentages on random polls (like, “How many Americans think they’re smarter than President Bush?”).
“i-Caught” (KOAT-7 9 p.m.) This concept-free catchall of a show is basically an excuse to air bloopers, viral videos, surveillance camera footage, wacky home movies, on-the-fly news images from Baghdad or basically any footage that proves that “we are all part of this new video revolution.”
“The Nine” (KOAT-7 9 p.m.) If you try really hard, I bet you can remember this high-concept, canceled-before-its-time drama about nine people caught in a bank robbery, which we only see in “Lost”-style flashbacks. We never did find out what happened inside that bank. Perhaps now we will, with ABC burning off a few unaired eps.
“Gphoria 2007” (G4 9 p.m.) Adam Sessler and Morgan Webb of G4’s “X-Play” present the results of this year’s best video game voting. Personal favorite category: Video Game Most Deserving of a Uwe Boll Film. My vote: The craptacular “Bad Day L.A.”