“Smallville” (KWBQ-19 7 p.m.) Seven seasons and Superman still refuses to wear a costume? At least producers are pumping up the comic book cameos. In tonight’s season opener, villainous alien freak Bizarro drops by for tea and crumpets (which in Bizarro World means “violence and brutality”).
“Big Shots” (KOAT-7 9 p.m.) A quartet of high-powered business executives dish the dirt over cocktails just like the women on “Sex and the City.” At least the cast of this new dramedy (Dylan McDermott, Michael Vartan, Christopher Titus) has got serious TV cred.
Species: The Awakening (Sci-Fi 7 p.m.) Correct me if I’m wrong, but wasn’t the primary point of Species watching Natasha Henstridge walk around naked for 108 minutes? Since this sequel (the third, actually) is debuting on TV, you can pretty much rule out any real skin on the part of our alien sex addict (blonde newbie Helena Mattsson), leaving nothing but bad acting, cheap special effects and a dumb plot. Enjoy.
“60 Minutes” (KRQE-13 6:30 p.m.) Hold on a second. Tonight’s season premiere of CBS’ venerable newsmagazine show is 90 minutes long? How exactly do you expect me to believe anything these people say when the very title of their show is a bald-faced lie?
“Celebrity Exposé: Lindsay Lohan” (KASY-50 7 p.m.) Idiot Box brain teaser of the week: How exactly does one go about exposing someone as overexposed as Lindsay Lohan?
“Aliens in America” (KWBQ-19 7:30) This new sitcom sounds like a breeding ground for faux topical humor (a whitebread family in Wisconsin “accidentally” host a foreign exchange student who turns out to be—gasp—Muslim). But the show is garnering praise for its off-kilter “Freaks and Geeks” vibe.
“Dr. Steve-O” (USA 9 p.m.) In this new reality series, former “Jackass” Steve-O sets out across the county in a tricked-out ambulance with a sexy blonde dressed as a nurse to "de-wussify wimps, wussies, nerds and couch potatoes.” I’m not sure who I’m more scared of: the dude who pitched this idea or the network executive who said, “Let’s run with it!”
Five Days (HBO 9 p.m.) HBO and the BBC join forces for this five-part mini-series about missing mother and children whose ordeal is captured on CCTV.
“Pushing Daisies” (KOAT-7 7 p.m.) One of the most conceptually interesting shows of the new season, this romance/