Week in Sloth
The Week in Sloth
“Crime 360” (A&E 8 p.m.) A&E brings intense detective investigation to life with CGI visualizations, 3D laser scanning and 360-degree photography. Why, it’s just like “CSI”--except slightly believable!
“The Ultimate Coyote Ugly Search” (CMT 10 p.m.) I have the same problem with tonight’s third season premiere of “The Ultimate Coyote Ugly Search” as I do with the ongoing seasons of “The Ultimate Fighter” over on Spike TV. Ultimate, you see, implies finality. Once you’ve found the “ultimate” slutty waitress or the “ultimate” cage fighter, your job should be over with. You can’t just find a “more ultimate” one six months from now. Of course, if you wanted to combine the two and find “The Ultimate Coyote Ugly Fighter,” that would be different. And damn entertaining.
Ogre (Sci-Fi 7 p.m.) Sadly, not a movie about the monosyllabic football player from Revenge of the Nerds, but a movie about an actual ogre. It does star greater Duke boy John Schneider, if that makes you feel any better.
“Flip That Restaurant” (TLC 8 p.m.) OK, how can we combine a real estate-flipping show like “Flip That House” with one of those restaurant cooking shows like “The Restaurant”? ... C’mon. Think, guys, think!
“Journey to 10,000 B.C.” (History 7 p.m.) Before you make your own journey to 10,000 B.C. (driving to the cineplex to watch Roland Emmerich’s 10,000 B.C.), why not check out this documentary special showing what life was really like in 10,000 B.C. ... For starters, there was a lot less CGI.
“The Wire” (HBO 10 p.m.) HBO closes out its top-notch, crime-centric drama with tonight’s 95-minute series finale.
“Canterbury’s Law” (KASA-2 7 p.m.) Unlike “Burke’s Law,” “Carson’s Law,” “Murphy’s Law,” “Sutherland’s Law” and probably a dozen other TV series I couldn’t dig up, this one’s a drama about a crusading lawyer who ... oh, wait, that’s what all those others were about, too. It does star former “ER” doc Julianna Margulies, if that makes you feel any better.
“The Bachelor: Where Are They Now?” (KOAT-7 7 p.m.) Taking lunch rush orders at Denny’s if there’s any justice in the universe.
“Beauty and the Geek” (KWBQ-19 7 p.m.) Vapid girls, dorky guys. Apparently, the formula works. Here’s season five!
“Lewis Black: Root of All Evil” (Comedy Central 11:30 p.m.) Splenetic comic Lewis Black gets his own series, a faux “People’s Court”-style show in which he puts various forces of American pop culture on trial.
“Top Chef” (Bravo 8 p.m.) The new season of Bravo’s hot-tempered cook-off gets boiling tonight. And just to screw with your TV-watching abilities, it’s 75 minutes long. (Figure that out, TiVo!)