“The 120th Annual Tournament of Roses Parade” (KOB-4 9 a.m.) The actual Rose Bowl happens sometime later in the day, amid the carnage of the FedEx Bowl, the Outback Bowl, the Capital One Bowl, the Konica Minolta Bowl--one of which might actually be the Rose Bowl. I can’t tell anymore.
“The Music of Seal on Ice” (KOB-4 2 p.m.) Um ... what?
“The Best of Larry Barker: Top Stories of 2008” (KRQE-13 6 p.m.) A whole hour of Larry Barker? It’s like Christmas came late this year!
“Daddy’s Girls Launch Special” (MTV 9 p.m.) Wow. A spin-off of “Run’s House” concentrating on Vanessa and Angela Simmons, the daughters of aged rap star Rev. Run. ... Is there anyone in Hollywood not famous enough to merit a reality show on MTV?
“Game Show in My Head” (KRQE-13 7 p.m.) Oh, joy! Another reality game show from the “mind” of Ashton Kutcher. In this one, contestants go out on the streets wearing an earpiece and are told to do various wacky and/or funny things.
“Saturday Night Live Sports Extra” (KOB-4 7 p.m.) Yeah. After the presidential election, it’s all kinda downhill for SNL.
“Superstars of Dance” (KOB-4 8 p.m.) Originally titled: “So You Think You Can Dance ... And You’re Not American.”
“Nostradamus: 2012” (History 7 p.m.) Time to scratch out the dates on the old Nostradamus end-of-the-world special and pencil in some new ones.
“Rock of Love Bus” (MTV 7 p.m.) MTV doesn’t come up with new shows so much as slightly different backdrops for the old shows to occur in.
“True Beauty” (KOAT-7 9 p.m.) Another reality game show from the “mind” of Ashton Kutcher. ... Here’s a game show idea for you, Ashton. It’s called “Punch Ashton Kutcher in the Face.” See, each contestant gets a chance to pop Ashton Kutcher full in the face. One shot only. No rings on their fingers or anything. Who wouldn’t want to do that? And the best part of it is contestants would actually pay to get on the show. Producers could donate the proceeds to charity or whatever. It would be the feel-good hit of the spring 2009 lineup, guaranteed.
“RAH! Paula Abdul Cheerleading Challenge” (MTV 8 p.m.) Originally titled: “ARGH! Paula Abdul Cheerleading Challenge.”
“Homeland Security USA” (KOAT-7 7 p.m.) Isn’t it nice to know all of your hard-earned tax dollars have at least gone into the creation of a new docu-reality series?
“Wreckreation Nation with Dave Mordal” (Discovery 8 p.m.) Dave travels the country looking for manly, backyard avocations like lawnmower racing or bare-handed catfish snatching.
“13: Fear is Real” (KWBQ-19 7 p.m.) Director Sam Raimi (Evil Dead, Spider-Man) produces this reality game show in which 13 contestants enter a “haunted” mansion and are eliminated, one by one, by the house’s various rooms. How this differs from Sci-Fi’s “Estate of Panic” remains to be seen.