“14th Annual Critics Choice Awards” (VH1 7 p.m.) Critics are smart people. You should listen to them. Always.
“Howie Do It” (KOB-4 7 p.m.) “Deal or No Deal,” “The Biggest Loser,” “Momma’s Boys,” “Superstars of Dance,” Jay Leno in primetime five nights a week and Howie Mandel recycling old “Candid Camera” gags. Oh NBC, when did you stop caring altogether?
“Stargate Atlantis” (Sci-Fi 7 p.m.) Fans, don’t look at tonight’s series finale as losing a “Stargate Atlantis”—look at it as gaining a “Stargate Universe” (set to debut sometime in 2009).
Expecting a Miracle (Hallmark 7 p.m.) An infertile couple (Jason Priestley, Teri Polo) end up in a colorful Mexican village complete with priestly (as in, he plays a priest) Cheech Marin.
“The 66th Annual Golden Globe Awards” (KOB-4 7 p.m.) Remember last year’s strike-crippled, boycott-killed Golden Globes, which were essentially replaced with the world’s most boring press conference starring “Access Hollywood” drones Billy Bush and Nancy O’Dell? Well, let’s all pray the Screen Actors Guild doesn’t go on strike this year.
“24” (KASA-2 7 p.m.) After taking last season off—with the exception of a two-hour TV movie—Jack Bauer should be all rested and ready for this season’s 24-hour marathon of terrorism, nuclear blackmail, gunfights, torture, political backstabbing and cell phone conversations.
“Tool Academy” (VH1 8 p.m.) Nine unsuspecting “d’bags” (VH1’s word, not mine) are sent to relationship training bootcamp in VH1’s newest reality show. So, instead of the bitchy, oversexed hoochie mamas of “Charm School,” we get the cocky, horndogging alpha males of “Tool Academy.”
“Antiques Roadshow” (KNME-5 8 p.m.) “AR” pulls in to Palm Springs. Given that Palm Springs is the place where old-school Hollywood stars go to play golf and die, you can reasonably expect to see some cool swag on the black velvet backboards tonight.
“American Idol” (KASA-2 7 p.m.) Relax, mainstream Americans, your long national nightmare is over. “American Idol” is back on the air. You can now return to eating Big Macs, driving SUVs and arguing over which singer delivers the best Whitney Houston impression.
“Scrubs” (KOAT-7 8 p.m.) This long-past-its-prime sitcom has been on life support for at least two seasons over on NBC. Let’s all tune in and see if the move to ABC provides us any reason to start watching again.
“Chopped” (Food Network 8 p.m.) Food Network decides it’s time to get in on the reality show cooking action, crafting this culinary cook-off searching for America’s next great sous-chef. ... Which is what, exactly?
“Make ’Em Laugh: The Funny Business of America” (KNME-5 7 p.m.) This six-part series (from the people who gave us “Broadway: The American Musical”) traces the history of American comedy.