Week in Sloth
The Week in Sloth
“Saw for Hire” (TLC 7 p.m.) A docu-reality show about people who trim trees for a living? Honestly? You’re gonna go with that, TLC?
“The Beast” (A&E 8 p.m.) We may not have “The Shield” anymore, but at least we have this weak imitation starring Patrick Swayze, the Swayziest man alive.
“CSI” (KRQE-13 8 p.m.) Say bye-bye to William Petersen’s Gil Grissom. He’s Audi.
“Notorious” (Travel Channel 8 p.m.) Travel Channel’s new series concentrates on all the reasons why you wouldn’t want to visit a place. Tonight: San Francisco with the Zodiac Killer, the murder of Harvey Milk and the Fatty Arbuckle rape scandal.
“Treasure Quest” (Discovery 8 p.m.) Real-life treasure hunters hope to unearth lost fortunes. First up: sunken gold in the English Channel. Hey, it could happen.
“Friday Night Lights” (KOB-4 8 p.m.) NBC finally gets around to airing the new season, which premiered last year on DirectTV.
“Battlestar Galactica” (Sci-Fi 8 p.m.) The final episodes hit the airwaves, a scant 217 days after last season’s apocalyptic finale. It’s about fraking time!
The Immortal Voyage of Captain Drake (Sci-Fi 7 p.m.) “Highlander” dude Adrian Paul returns as Sir Francis Drake, who’s racing around the globe searching for a mystical cure for a sultan’s dying son. ... Funny, I don’t remember that incident in the history books.
“Big Love” (HBO 7 p.m.) HBO celebrates polyamory and Jesus love with a third season of “Big Love.”
“The L Word” (Showtime 7 p.m.) The final season of Showtime’s L.A.-is-for-lesbians drama gets underway with the first of eight episodes.
“The United States of Tara” (Showtime 8 p.m.) From producer Steven Spielberg and writer Cody Diablo (Juno) comes this new comedy series about a suburban housewife (Toni Collette) with multiple personalities.
“Look Around You” (Cartoon Network 2 a.m.) Adult Swim welcomes this hilarious BBC spoof of low-rent ’70s and ’80s educational programs. The tone is painfully sincere, but the information is 100 percent incorrect. Sample: “Germs originated in Germany.”
“The American Future: A History By Simon Shama” (BBC America 7 p.m.) What is America’s future? Who would know better than the British?
“Little People: Just Married” (TLC 8 p.m.) TLC loves little people almost as much as it loves people who are overly fertile.
“Presidential Inaugural Celebration” (QVC 7 p.m.) In case, you know, there’s a shortage of Barack Obama commemorative plates and/or collectors’ coins around your house.
“Lost” (KOB-4 8 p.m.) OK, so what the hell is up with that frozen donkey wheel thing?
“Lie to Me” (KASA-2 8:02 p.m.) Tim Roth leads this new crime drama (of the “quirky genius detective” school) as a psychiatrist who’s a human lie detector.