“Supernatural” (KWBQ-19 8 p.m.) I have no idea what tonight’s episode is about, but I’m totally behind the title: “Criss Angel Is a Douche Bag.”
The Flesh Eaters (AMC 11:30 p.m.) Ever wonder what “Gilligan’s Island” would look like if the castaways were attacked by gigantic, flesh-eating bacteria? This super-cheesy but extra-fun 1964 drive-in junker answers that question quite well.
The Swinger (TCM midnight) Ann-Margret is 1966-style hot in this sex comedy about a demure novelist who lives out her heroine’s steamy adventures in order to impress the studly editor (Tony Franciosa) of a men’s magazine. It’s silly as all get-out, but it opens with a shot of Ann-Margret jumping on a trampoline in a catsuit and only gets better from there.
“Miss America Live 2009” (TLC 7 p.m.) Good news: Mario Lopez is back!
“The 15th Annual SAG Awards” (TNT 6 p.m.) If the Screen Actors Guild does decide to go on strike this award season, you can guarantee this is the one show they will not boycott.
The Last Templar (KOB-4 8 p.m.) Wisely sandwiching itself between The Da Vinci Code and Angels & Demons, this four-hour miniseries finds archeologist Mira Sorvino battling a religious conspiracy when 12th-century knights invade the New York Metropolitan Museum and steal an ancient decoding device.
Afro Samurai: Resurrection (Spike 8 p.m.) “Afro Samurai” returns with a two-hour movie pitting animated Samuel L. Jackson against bodysnatching bad guys.
“Adult Entertainment Expo ’09” (G4 8 p.m.) G4 reports from Las Vegas, giving us the latest innovations in porn stars and latex-covered gadgets.
“Trust Me” (TNT 8 p.m.) Like “Mad Men,” but wish the clothes weren’t as cool? Here’s a cable drama set in a modern-day advertising agency starring Tom Cavanagh (“Ed”) and Eric McCormack (“Will & Grace”).
“Toddlers & Tiaras” (TLC 8 p.m.) People think MTV and FOX are destroying the social fabric of America, but I humbly submit TLC as the Antichrist of the entertainment industry. Used to be, the network just encouraged families to squirt out as many kids as humanly possible (“Little People, Big World,” “Jon & Kate Plus 8,” “17 Kids and Counting”). Now the network is lauding parents who take their excess offspring, stuff them into fishnet stockings and force them to enter preschool beauty pageants. Ick, I say.
“Top Chef: Super Bowl Chef Showdown” (Bravo 8 p.m.) A Super Bowl snack food cookoff? Please. How can you possibly improve on the 6-foot sub? The 7-foot sub? Don’t be ridiculous!
“Life on Mars” (KOAT-7 9:05 p.m.) I appreciate the return of this time-lost cop series, ABC; but could you please stop screwing with my TiVo recording times?
“The Detonators” (Discovery 10 p.m.) Do we really need another “educational” show about people blowing stuff up? ... We do? OK.