“Warriors” (History 7 p.m.) History Channel’s new series searches out ancient, kick-ass cultures. Tonight: the Maya.
“Stop Shouting at Me!” (TLC 8 p.m.) While I seriously doubt TV needs another docu-reality series about parking enforcement officers, I do admire the honesty of the title.
“Hot Girls in Scary Places” (E! 10 p.m.) Yes, it sounds like some sort of specialty website you’d get in trouble for logging on to at work. But it’s actually a reality show in which three USC “Song Girls” (whatever that is) are sent to act as paranormal investigators (yeah, they sound qualified) at a haunted hospital. If they succeed in staying the whole night, they get $10,000.
Shack Out on 101 (TCM Midnight) This obscuro 1955 film noir is one crazy artifact of Cold War paranoia. Terry Moore, Frank Lovejoy, Keenan Wynn, Lee Marvin and Whit Bissell are all stuck in the titular greasy spoon playing hot waitresses, violent cooks, nuclear scientists and dirty Commie spies. (See if you can figure out which is which.)
“You’re Welcome, America: A Final Night with George W. Bush” (HBO 7 p.m.) After a surprising, sold-out Off Broadway run, Will Ferrell’s farewell masquerade of our former commander-in-chief comes to a close with this live broadcast on HBO.
Sea Beast (Sci-Fi 7 p.m.) I was gonna bet “giant octopus or giant squid” for Sci-Fi’s latest creature feature, but apparently it’s some sort of amphibian.
“Beltway Unbuckled” (History 7 p.m.) History Channel looks into the sex lives of our political leaders. I hear Taft was quite the swinger.
“Kings” (KOB-4 7 p.m.) NBC’s weirdly conceptual (and surely doomed) soap opera is an allegorical, contemporary retelling of the David and Goliath story set in an alternate time line America in which Ian McShane (from “Deadwood”) is king.
“Kyle XY” (ABC Family 7 p.m.) Sorry, fans. The popular sci-fi series about clones and the teens who love them comes to an end.
“Battlestar Galactica: The Last Frakkin’ Special” (Sci-Fi 8 p.m.) Wait. What? No! I’m not ready. There’s so much we could have done. So much we could have said. Don’t go away yet, “BSG.” I’ll be left with nothing but some form of “Stargate,” and that’s just not gonna cut it.
The Quiet Man (TCM 6 p.m.) It’s St. Patrick’s Day. Aside from drinking green beer at Bennigan’s, what are you gonna do? Stay home and stick with tradition. John Wayne, Ireland and one hell of a knockdown-drag-out brawl.
“Visions of Ireland” (KNME-5 7 p.m.) Of course, if you just wanna look at pretty pictures of Ireland without all that romance and manly action getting in the way, tune in to PBS, which is rebroadcasting this aerial tour of the Emerald Isle.
“Better Off Ted” (KOAT-7 7:30 p.m.) ABC’s newest sitcom addition is set in the wacky world of corporate research and development.