Week in Sloth
“CSI: Crime Scene Investigation” (KRQE-13 7 p.m.) Academy Award-winning director William Friedkin (The Exorcist) shows up to helm the 200th episode. Sure, that sounds cool; but the fact that tonight’s murder mystery takes place in the world of Mexican wrestling is the thing that really qualifies this as the greatest episode of “CSI” ever made.
“ER” (KOB-4 7 p.m.) NBC starts the night off with a one-hour series retrospective of the venerable medical drama, followed by the two-hour sign-off episode. Hate to say it, but this has been a long, lingering death. It’s almost sadder that all the former, interesting stars (George Clooney, William H. Macy, Julianna Margulies, Noah Wyle, Anthony Edwards) showed up to kiss the old girl goodbye this season.
Stargate: Continuum (Sci Fi 7 p.m.) We know Sci Fi (soon to be SyFy) pretty much hates science fiction. What does it love? Giant snakes and “Stargate.” As proof, here’s the station’s second original movie spin-off of “Stargate SG-1” in as many weeks. ... If only someone could come up with a pilot for “Stargate: Anaconda.”
Nora Roberts’ High Noon (Lifetime 7 p.m.) Lifetime loves author Nora Roberts almost as much as Sci Fi loves “Stargate.” As proof, here’s the second Nora Roberts adaptation in as many weeks.
“44th Annual Academy of Country Music Awards” (KRQE-13 7 p.m.) Reba McEntire hosts. Toby Keith, Tim McGraw and Taylor Swift are in there somewhere, too.
“Who Was Jesus?” (Discovery 6 p.m.) With Easter looming, the Discovery Channel gets religion. For those of you who’ve never heard of this “Jesus” person, three episodes of quasi-historical re-creation (“Childhood,” “The Mission,” “The Last Days”) break it down for you.
“Surviving Suburbia” (KOAT-7 8:32 p.m.) Bob Saget has got a lot to answer for thanks to “Full House” and “America’s Funniest Home Videos.” Here’s hoping this potentially funny new sitcom, in which he plays a cantankerous suburbanite battling awful neighbors, serves as some kind of TV penance.
“Deadliest Warrior” (Spike 8 p.m.) Spike’s new speculative docu-series takes the age-old schoolyard debate “Who Would Win in a Fight: Spider-Man or Darth Vader?” and applies it to the (more or less) real world. Tonight’s series-launching historical match-up: Apache vs. Gladiator.
“Rescue Me” (FX 11 p.m.) Michael J. Fox joins the cast in its fifth season.
“MythBusters” (Discovery 7 p.m.) MythBusters kicks off its seventh season with a two-hour special dedicated to demolition derby. I have no idea what myths might be involved in a demolition derby. I don’t care, either. “MythBusters” and demolition derby are a match made in heaven.
“The Unusuals” (KOAT-7 9:02 p.m.) “NYPD Blue” meets “The Office” in this new dramedy about the crazier-than-usual cops of NYPD’s Homicide Unit.