Alibi V.18 No.18 • April 30-May 6, 2009 

Week in Sloth

Thursday 30

“Bones” (KASA-2 7 p.m.) Tonight’s episode is titled “The Beaver in the Otter.” I really don’t want to ask.

“Ugly Betty” (KOAT-7 7 p.m. ) “Ugly Betty” returns from hiatus. I really didn’t miss it.

Friday 1

“Num3ers” (KRQE-13 9 p.m.) One of TV’s wacky, non-cop crime solver shows very quietly reaches its 100th episode. Honestly, why do we even employ police officers anymore? Why don’t we just have ghost whisperers, psychics, mentalists, mathematicians, human lie detectors and novelists solve all our crimes?

Saturday 2

Living Out Loud (Hallmark 7 p.m.) Diagnosed with breast cancer, a high school chorus teacher (Gail O’Grady) inspires those around her. The only way this could be any more inspiring is if it had a heroic dog in it.

Sunday 3

“Art of War” (History 7 p.m.) History Channel uses various epic battles from throughout time to illustrate lessons from Sun Tzu’s The Art of War. This is pretty much the History Channel equivalent of a clip show. I mean, how many times have we seen sepia-toned re-creation footage from the Battle of Thermopylae?

Monday 4

“New York Goes to Work” (VH1 8 p.m.) Reality dating show contestant Tiffany Pollard (aka “New York”) from “Flavor of Love” and “I Love New York” pretends to perform various real jobs for the sake of the camera. Has it really been long enough that we can just recycle the concept from Paris Hilton’s “The Simple Life”?

“Belly of the Beast” (Discovery 7 p.m.) This new docu-series takes a look at the construction and employment of gigantic motor vehicles like mining equipment, military transports and monster trucks. The subject of tonight’s premiere ep: the Abrams M1 tank.

Tuesday 5

Ice People (Sundance 8 p.m.) What’s it like to live and work in Antarctica? My only experience with the place comes from watching The Thing and Aliens vs. Predator, both of which paint a rather bleak and monster-filled portrait of the continent. This documentary aims to correct that, focusing on four ordinary men and women digging for ancient fossils beneath the polar ice shelf. ... Oh my Lord, isn’t that exactly how The Thing and Aliens vs. Predator began?

“Deadliest Warrior” (Spike 8 p.m.) Yakuza vs. Mafia? Truthfully, “The Simpsons” already staged this fight, but the show ended in the middle of the climactic throwdown, leaving us without a clear-cut winner. In the immortal words of Homer Simpson, “But, Marge, that little guy hasn’t done anything yet. Look at him. He’s going to do something and you know it’s going to be good.” Bet on the little guys in this matchup.

Wednesday 6

“Scrubs” (KOAT-7 7 p.m.) ABC ushers this long-in-the-tooth doc-com into its eighth season finale (but its first on this particular network).