“Raising Sextuplets” (WE 11 p.m.) Thank you, cable TV, for adding “just get rich and famous by squeezing out too many kids” to the list of unrealistic, cop-out life goals for America’s young people.
“Masters of Reception” (TLC 8 p.m.) Perhaps, in these economically challenged times, there’s some sort of comfort in watching people who are gainfully employed—be they crab fishermen, cake decorators, repo men, tree trimmers, heli-loggers, ice road truckers or, in this instance, a pair of New Jersey brothers who cater wedding receptions.
Star Runners (Sci-Fi 7 p.m.) Damn. For a second there, I thought this was a feature-length version of “Homestar Runner.” No such luck.
“Kings” (KOB-4 7 p.m.) NBC’s canceled alternate-reality drama about the American royal family returns to burn off its last few episodes.
“Pushing Daisies” (KOAT-7 9 p.m.) ABC airs the final episode of the cult series, but fans will have to wait for the (alleged) 12-issue DC Comics miniseries for narrative resolution.
The Taking of Pelham One Two Three (KWBQ-19 7 p.m.) See the 1974 original before you truck off to the theaters to catch the John Travolta remake.
“True Blood” (HBO 7 p.m.) The second season of HBO’s vampire drama returns with more bloodsucking action and another possible glimpse of Anna Paquin’s nipples.
“Hammertime” (A&E 8 p.m.) The average, out-of-work American gets unemployment benefits. But the out-of-work celebrity gets his or her own reality show! I believe this one about former rap sensation M.C. Hammer was funded by Obama’s stimulus package.
“Joe Buck Live” (HBO 7 p.m.) Sportscaster Joe Buck attempts to replace Bob Costas as HBO’s sports guru.
“Wedding Day” (TNT 6 p.m.) Ladies, in case you missed the subtle message imparted to you by basic cable with “A Wedding Story,” “Bridezillas,” “Married by America,” “Race to the Altar,” “For Better or for Worse,” “Whose Wedding Is It Anyway?” “Say Yes to the Dress,” “Wedded to Perfection,” “Buff Brides,” “Style Weddings,” “Platinum Weddings,” “Hitched or Ditched,” “Amazing Wedding Cakes,” “I Do Diaries,” “My Big Redneck Wedding,” “Rich Bride, Poor Bride,” “Married Away,” “Rock the Reception” and “Masters of Reception,” you need to get married. Now. You also need to breed. A lot. But I don’t have room to list all the baby-related docu-reality shows.
“Dance Your Ass Off” (Oxygen 12 a.m.) What would happen if you combined “The Biggest Loser” and “Dancing With the Stars”? ... You’d adequately fill another half hour of basic cable.
“The Othersiders”/“Survive This” (Cartoon Network 9/9:30 p.m.) Cartoon Network expands its non-cartoon offerings with a rip-off of “Ghost Hunters” (but with kids) and a rip-off of “Survivor” (but with kids).