Week in Sloth
The Week in Sloth
“Silent Library” (MTV 7 p.m.) MTV’s newest show combines “Jackass” with a Japanese game show. The rules are simple: Subject your friends to horrible slapstick torture in a faux library—but don’t laugh at them or you lose out on the big cash prize.
“The Chopping Block” (KOB-4 7 p.m.) The return of NBC’s cooking contest prompts two questions: Who will be America’s next big chef? and How soon before all jobs in America are staffed by reality show winners?
“Happily Ever Faster” (TLC 8:30 p.m.) A docu-reality show about a Las Vegas wedding chapel? We haven’t had one of those yet? ... Really? Well, throw it on the pile.
“BrainRush” (Cartoon Network 9 p.m.) A TV quiz show that takes place on a moving roller coaster? Sounds more like a “Mad TV” skit.
“Destroy Build Destroy” (Cartoon Network 9:30 p.m.) This, on the other hand, sounds inspired in an old-school Nickelodeon way. Andrew W.K. (yeah, I know) hosts a kiddy game show in which contestants build stuff then get to destroy their opponent’s stuff. Last one standing wins.
“Eli Stone” (KOAT-7 9 p.m.) Having burned off the remaining episodes of the canceled detective fantasy series “Pushing Daises,” ABC does the same for the canceled lawyer fantasy series “Eli Stone.”
“Merlin” (KOB-4 7 p.m.) If Sci-fi Channel can’t pull off a “Merlin” movie/series that isn’t goofy, I’m not sure NBC’s Camelot-crossed-with-“Smallville” series is gonna fly. But it’s summer. Be glad it’s not some King Arthur-based reality show.
Killer Hair (Lifetime Movie Network 6 p.m.) How can this not be a movie about hair that kills people?
Impact (KOAT-7 7 p.m.) Scientists (and by “scientists” I mean Natasha Hestridge and David James Elliot) have 39 days to prevent the Moon from colliding with the Earth in this two-night miniseries.
“Guys Choice 2009” (Spike 8 p.m.) What do guys like (other than Lay-Z-Boys, beer in cans and searching for topless pictures of Megan Fox on the Internet)? Apparently, they like testosterone-heavy awards shows featuring stars like Brad Pitt and Mel Gibson and categories like “Ballsiest Band” and “Hottest Twins.”
“Make It or Break It” (ABC Family 7 p.m.) ABC Family launches a new drama about hot teenage gymnasts trying to make the Olympic team. I’m pretty sure I can get arrested for watching this.
“The Superstars” (KOAT-7 7 p.m.) Retired athletes team with E-list celebrities (Maksim Chmerkovskiy, Paige Hemmis, Joanna Krupa, Estella Warren—who are these people?) to compete in various sporting events.
“Better Off Ted” (KOAT-7 8:30 p.m.) ABC actually brings a show back from hiatus that hasn’t been canceled. Hooray!
“The Philanthropist” (KOB-4 9 p.m.) What if Bill Gates were buff, good-looking and traveled around the world handing out money to orphans in exciting, war-torn nations? He’d be starring in a new drama for NBC, that’s what.
Ghostbusters at Century Rio 24 Plex and XD
Celebrate the 30th anniversary of this classic film, remastered in 4K and in theaters for one night.
Ghostbusters at Century 14 Downtown
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