“How Do They Do It?” (Science 7 p.m.) Science Channel’s docu-series continues to answer probing technical questions that have never once entered my mind—like, “How do they make cowboy hats?” and “How do they prepare in-flight catering?” Of course, now that Science has gone to the trouble to bring them up ... nope, I’m still not the slightest bit curious.
“Lock N’ Load With R. Lee Ermey” (History 7 p.m.) Isn’t history so much more interesting when you concentrate on the good parts—the parts that shoot people? And aren’t those sorts of militant facts all the more compelling when R. Lee Ermey is shouting them at you?
“Being Human” (BBC America 7 p.m.) A vampire, a werewolf and a ghost move into an apartment together. ... No, it’s not the setup for a joke. It’s BBC’s new supernatural comedy/drama.
Mrs. Smith Goes to Washington (Hallmark 7 p.m.) A middle-aged woman (Cybill Shepherd) goes back to college and ends up with a rebellious teen for a roommate. What are you complaining about, honey? It beats living with a werewolf and a vampire.
Legally Blondes (ABC Family 6 p.m.) What if you crossed a cheap, made-for-TV Legally Blonde sequel with an old Olsen Twins movie? ... You’d get exactly what you deserve.
“Defying Gravity” (KOAT-7 8 p.m.) ABC honors the 40th anniversary of the Apollo 11 moon landing with the debut of this “saucy space series” about a mixed-gender crew of astronauts on a mission to other planets. It’s what Apollo 11 would have been like if it had been written by the creators of “Grey’s Anatomy.” I’m sure Neil and the boys are proud.
“Blood in the Water” (Discovery 7 p.m.) What’s that, Discovery? It’s Shark Week again? Awesome.
“Megan Wants a Millionaire” (VH1 7 p.m.) Yet another VH1-anointed celebutard I’ve never once heard of is gifted with a reality dating show.
“Sex in the Ancient World” (History 7 p.m.) Debuting new shows about guns and sex in the same week? Are you trying to win over the rap music crowd, History Channel?
“Ultimate Cake Off” (TLC 8 p.m.) TLC, mistakenly thinking there’s a major dearth of cake-based reality shows on TV, gives us yet another one.
“Better Off Ted” (KOAT-7 8:30 p.m.) ABC’s punted this clever sitcom all around the schedule, but at least we get to see the season finale.
“How’d You Get So Rich?” (TV Land 8 p.m.) While the idea of a show hosted by Joan Rivers kinda gives me the willies, I am slightly interested in this documentary series about the lifestyles of nouveau riche people who made their money doing crazy crap like inventing Billy Bob Teeth or selling something called “Butt Paste.”