“Best of the World Music Awards” (KASY-50 7 p.m.) You know, world music. Like Michael Jackson, Beyoncé, Mariah Carey and Britney Spears.
“Bear Whisperer” (Animal Planet 7 p.m.) Narrowly beating out “wolf teaser” to top the list of most short-lived careers.
“Earth 2100” (History 7 p.m.) Assorted experts predict that our coming century will feature “a perfect storm of population growth, resource depletion, climate change, terrorism and disease.” Soooo, yeah, we’ve got that to look forward to.
“Shark Tank” (KOAT-7 8 p.m.) ABC’s “people beg for money to build their crazy crap” show returns from hiatus.
“Women of Ninja Warrior” (G4 3:30 p.m.) I dig the imported obstacle course competition “Ninja Warrior” (known in its homeland as “Sasuke”). But I watch “Women of Ninja Warrior” (known in its homeland as “Kunoichi”) mostly for a chance to glimpse cutie ass-kicker Ayako Miyake, the blonde- (occasionally pink-) haired acrobat who has captured the crown three times in a row. I’ll have a chance to see her again with today’s broadcast of the entire eighth season of “Women of Ninja Warrior.”
“The Simpsons 20th Anniversary Special: In 3-D! On Ice!” (KASA-2 7:30 p.m.) FOX’s super-long-running sitcom celebrates its 450th episode with this tribute to all things Simpsonian by documentary filmmaker Morgan Spurlock (Super Size Me).
Battlestar Galactica: The Plan (SyFy 7 p.m.) So, um, what exactly did the Cylons have in mind by creating a handful of identical humanoid robots, hiding them among humans for centuries and implanting Bob Dylan songs in their heads? This new SyFy Channel movie explains it all.
“Chuck” (KOB-4 8 p.m.) NBC’s superspy returns from hiatus retooled and ready for a new season. Gone is the nerdy, helpless Chuck of yesteryear. In his place is the new and improved Chuck, capable of downloading any information or skill set—just like Neo in The Matrix!
“Big Love” (HBO 7 p.m.) HBO’s award-winning polygamy drama rolls into its fourth season.
“How I Met Your Mother” (KRQE-13 7 p.m.) A hundred episodes in and you still haven’t quite told me how you met my mother.
“Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations” (Travel 8 p.m.) Bourdain kicks off his sixth season by hanging out in Manuel Noriega’s old stomping ground, Panama.
“Fantasia For Real” (VH1 8 p.m.) “American Idol” winner Fantasia Barrino gets her own reality show. Hey, it beats actually singing for a living.
“Blue Mountain State” (Spike 9 p.m.) This Animal House-esque sitcom concentrates on the freshman players of a championship college football team.
“American Idol” (KASA-2 7 p.m.) America, you can get back to ignoring your friends, your family and every other show on television to watch the ninth season auditions.
“Our Little Genius” (KASA-2 8:15 p.m.) Adults compete against brainy kids in FOX’s exploitative new game show. I’m pretty sure the losers get spanked.