Week in Sloth
The Week in Sloth
“Carnie Wilson: Unstapled” (GSN 9 p.m.) Game Show Network is apparently the latest cable outlet to give up on its format for the sake of some cheap-ass reality shows. But, if you wanna see a reality show starring a post-gastric-bypass Carnie Wilson, here you go.
“Archer” (FX 11 p.m.) In this new animated series from the makers of “Frisky Dingo,” H. Jon Benjamin (“Dr. Katz, Professional Therapist,” “Home Movies”) voices an international superspy who’s as suave on the job as he is inept off it.
“15th Annual Critics’ Choice Movie Awards” (VH1 7 p.m.) Kristin Chenoweth hosts.
House of Bones (Syfy 7 p.m.) Some TV ghost hunters (Corin Nemec, Charisma Carpenter among them) spend the night in a haunted house. ... Damn, even in scripted movies, we can’t escape the freaking ghost hunters.
“The 67th Annual Golden Globe Awards” (KOB-4 6 p.m.) Ricky Gervais hosts, most of the stars are drunk and half the people in the audience are French. Yeah, this is the recipe for a fine party.
“Human Target” (KASA-2 7 p.m.) DC’s obscure action comic comes to life on the small screen. Rick Springfield played the main character, a high-risk-taking bodyguard, on a TV pilot back in 1992—a few years before David Hasselhoff played Nick Fury. (In summation: The ’90s sucked.) This time around, Mark Valley (from “Fringe”) is doing the honors.
“24” (KASA-2 8 p.m.) Jack Bauer is drawn back into action as President Allison Taylor negotiates international security with a Middle Eastern leader. Why do I feel this is going to turn out badly?
“American Pickers” (History 7 p.m.) In this unscripted series, two colorful guys travel across America looking for antique junk to buy off people.
“Life Unexpected” (KWBQ-19 8 p.m.) The CW’s latest soapy teen drama features a 15-year-old gal who, after spending her life bouncing around foster care, decides to become an emancipated minor. And then go looking for her birth parents. Sounds angsty enough.
“The Buried Life” (MTV 11 p.m.) Four MTV-style young dudes embark on a quest to cross things off what seems like a majorly premature bucket list. But at least they got MTV to bankroll their attempt to kiss Rachel McAdams, attend a party at the Playboy Mansion, tour with a major band, go to Burning Man, host “Saturday Night Live” and get launched into space.
“Be Good Johnny Weir” (Sundance 11:30 p.m.) Olympic figure skater Johnny Weir sticks the landing for his own reality show. Hopefully, there will be sequins.
“Paranormal Cops” (A&E 8:30 p.m.) Sadly, not a show about police officers who arrest werewolves, but yet another amateur ghost hunter series. ... Freaking ghost hunters.
“Meteorite Men” (Science 7 p.m.) Modern day treasure hunters Steve Arnold and Geoff Notkin search for buried meteorites. ... Hey, even nerds deserve their own reality shows.