Alibi V.19 No.4 • Jan 28-Feb 3, 2010 

Week in Sloth

The Week in Sloth

Thursday 28

“Live for the Moment” (KRQE-13 7 p.m.) People who are afflicted with terminal illnesses or have survived plane crashes or are paralyzed or whatever get interviewed by Jeff Probst so they can relate their life-affirming stories. This aggressively inspirational new reality show is like rolling up a Mitch Albom book and smoking it.

Friday 29

“Kitchen Nightmares” (KASA-2 8 p.m.) Chef Gordon Ramsay and his salty tongue return for a third season of cursing-out stupid restaurant owners who don’t seem to want to listen to him even though they’re going out of business.

Saturday 30

“Miss America 2010” (TLC 7 p.m.) Unless one of the contestants says something really idiotic, nobody cares.

“Four Weddings” (TLC 8 p.m.) Four real-life brides compete to see who throws the best wedding and therefore wins a honeymoon package. ... Hey, why don’t you air some more wedding-related reality shows, TLC?

Sunday 31

“The 52nd Annual Grammy Awards” (KRQE-13 7 p.m.) Beyoncé, The Black Eyed Peas, Taylor Swift, Dave Matthews Band, Green Day, Lady Gaga, Pink—the exact same people who show up to every music-related event in creation will be on stage tonight. Enjoy.

“Las Vegas Jailhouse” (truTV 8 p.m.) If you’re going to have a reality show filmed in a jail, you might as well make it an active one. And one that smells of regurgitated yard-long Daiquiris and 99-cent shrimp cocktails, while you’re at it.

Monday 1

“Skating & Gymnastics Spectacular” (Hallmark 4 p.m.) Wait, are you talking both at the same time? ’Cause that would be impressive.

“The BET Honors” (BET 7 p.m.) Gabrielle Union helps kick off Black History Month by handing out awards to Mary J. Blige, Tyler Perry and Magic Johnson.

“RuPaul’s Drag Race” (Logo 10 p.m.) Logo’s biggest guilty pleasure returns to crown a new queen of the drag queens.

“Kell on Earth” (Bravo 8 p.m.) Ugh. ... OK, TV, we’re listening: Who’s the newest L.A.-based “celebrity” we’ve never heard of to land a reality show? Fashion PR guru Kelly Cutrone? And she was on “The Hills,” you say? Awesome.

Tuesday 2

“Lost: Beginning of the End” (KOAT-7 7 p.m.) Prepare yourself for the two-hour final season premiere with this one-hour recap of all that has come before—from plane crash to polar bear to frozen donkey wheel to nuclear detonation.

“The Michael Vick Project” (BET 8 p.m.) Just out of curiosity: What kind of crime would someone have to commit to not get rewarded with their own reality show?

Wednesday 3

“Super Bowl’s Greatest Commercials 2010” (KRQE-13 7 p.m.) This is just the thing to get you in the mood for watching all of this year’s Super Bowl commercials. Personally, I’m rooting for Doritos.

“Man v. Food: LIVE” (Travel Channel 7 p.m.) Yes, this is a live, two-hour event from Miami, site of Super Bowl XLIV. What’s host / human garbage disposal Adam Richman gonna do for two straight hours, you may ask? I’m thinking eat something really big.