“The Office” (KOB-4 8 p.m.) In tonight’s special two-part ep, Pam finally gives birth to her baby—which means, following last season’s marriage, this show has only “add Cousin Oliver” and “jump over a shark on water skis” left on its list of sitcom clichés.
“The Marriage Ref” (KOB-4 9 p.m.) Following its post-Olympics sneak preview, Jerry Seinfeld’s new reality show gets a timeslot premiere. Each week, assorted celebrities weigh in on a family squabble and declare a definitive “winner.” Eh. As reality show ideas go, it ain’t the worst.
“Who Do You Think You Are?” (KOB-4 7 p.m.) Celebrities (like tonight’s Sarah Jessica Parker) jet around the country learning about their own personal family histories. Because, seriously, what’s more exciting than someone studying genealogy?
“2010 Independent Spirit Awards” (IFC 9 p.m.) Like the gay prom of movie awards shows, the Independent Spirits allow the alterna-kids a shot at their own varsity quarterback / Tom Cruise-free celebration. Eddie Izzard hosts and it runs in the late-night slot. What could be cooler?
“Magic & Bird: A Courtship of Rivals” (HBO 7 p.m.) As this new documentary series reminds us, these two remarkable competitors sparked a 30-year battle of athleticism, sportsmanship and—lest we forget—McDonald’s endorsements.
“Live From the Red Carpet: 2010 Oscars” (E! 4 p.m.) Yes, it’s an honor to be nominated for an Academy Award—but first you have to run the red carpet gamut by explaining to Ryan Seacrest and Giuliana Rancic who you’re wearing. Sucks to be you, Sandra Bullock.
“The Barbara Walters Special” (KOAT-7 5 p.m.) Hell, even Barbara’s getting bored of these Oscar night interview specials. She says this is her last one. Enjoy it while you can. ... Also, this is another lame ritual you’ll have to complete on your way to the Oscars, Sandy.
“Monsters and Mysteries in Alaska” (Discovery 8 p.m.) Insert Sarah Palin joke here.
“The Bachelor: Jason and Molly’s Wedding” (KOAT-7 7 p.m.) Congratulations, you two. The line for a FOX Reality Channel show starts on the right.
“Food Wars” (Travel Channel 8 p.m.) Much like NBC’s “The Marriage Ref,” this show aims to settle long-standing debates. On tonight’s premiere, pundits decide who’s got the better Chicago Italian Beef: Al’s Beef or Mr. Beef. ... Not to throw a wrench in things, but I’ve always been a Buona Beef man, myself.
“The Miss Turkey Trot and Miss Drumsticks Pageant” (TLC 8 p.m.) Does this beauty pageant from rural Yellville, Ark., count as a heaping helping of hillbilly schadenfreude? Yes, yes it does.
“High Society” (KWBQ-19 8:30 p.m.) So, yeah, another random group of wealthy, skanky, overprivileged, drunken, inarticulate, blonde socialites land a reality show in which they shop, guzzle booze and pretend to “work” as clothing designers, DJs or whatever is popular this week.