“The Ladies of Demolition Derby” (TLC 8 p.m.) I don’t know about you, but I’ve got visions of Pinky Tuscadero running though my head. Now there’s an image of unbridled femininity. Personally, I think The Fonz was a fool for not marrying that woman. ... Yeah, I watch too much television. What of it?
“100 Orgasms a Day” (Discovery Health 8 p.m.) Good or bad? Feel free to debate amongst yourselves.
“Your Chance to Dance” (CMT 10 p.m.) Everybody else has a dancing competition. Why not Country Music Television? How can 30 renditions of “Achy Breaky Heart” be wrong?
The Pillars of the Earth (Starz 8 p.m.) Ken Follett’s historical novel about the building of a Gothic cathedral in 12th-century Kingsbridge gets the miniseries treatment. Ian McShane, Donald Sutherland, Rufus Sewell and Matthew Macfadyen are among the architects, monks and noblemen crowding the cast.
“Being Human” (BBC America 8 p.m.) BBC’s popular series about vampire/
“Mad Men” (AMC 8 p.m.) The fourth season kicks off with Don trying (and possibly failing) to start his own ad agency.
“The Bachelorette: The Men Tell All” (KOAT-7 7 p.m.) Oh, please. If they were actually telling all, it would be an entire evening of, “Hi, I’m Tom. I’m an out-of-work actor. I don’t actually recall meeting this Ali woman I’m supposed to be marrying. But thanks for the face time on TV, ABC.”
“Breakthrough with Tony Robbins” (KOB-4 7 p.m.) In tonight’s premiere episode, Tony encourages a paralyzed man to walk—presumably by taking a bunch of the guy’s money and screaming at him. But will there be fire-walking?
“MasterChef” (KASA-2 8 p.m.) OK, that’s it. I didn’t want to do this, TV. But you’ve forced my hand. It’s been a long time since I issued a Hollywood fatwa. But sometimes it’s just got to be done. From here on out, I’m demanding the head of any Hollywood executive who green-lights any reality show of which there are already multiple examples on the exact same network. This goes for shows about cakes, fishermen, wedding planners, little people, overly fertile women and fat people losing weight as well as any competitions involving dancing, singing or cooking. You have been warned!
“The Colony” (Discovery 8:01 p.m.) I must admit I was intrigued by the first season of this Mad Max-meets-“Survivor” reality show. For the second season, seven strangers are thrown into the middle of a faux apocalypse and asked to rebuild some semblance of civilization after a “global viral outbreak wipes out most of humanity.”
“Growing Up Twisted” (A&E 8 p.m.) Well, Ozzy Osbourne got a family reality show. So did Gene Simmons. Why not Dee Snyder? ... Alice Cooper, get ready. I have a feeling you’ll be on deck soon.
“Plain Jane” (KWBQ-19 8 p.m.) Hmm. A reality show in which ordinary women get makeovers and fashion tips? ... Fatwah!