Week in Sloth
The Week in Sloth
“NFL Opening Kickoff 2010” (KOB-4 5:30 p.m.) Football has officially started. The season opener of Vikings at Saints follows. Place your bets.
“Nikita” (KWBQ-19 8 p.m.) This concept has had more lives than a cat. (Well, almost.) There was the original 1990 French movie La Femme Nikita. There was the 1991 Asian rip-off Black Cat. There was the 1993 American remake Point of No Return. There was the 1997-2001 TV series “La Femme Nikita.” Now, there’s this version starring Vietnamese/Polish/Irish-American actress Maggie Q. What is it about hot chicks with guns? ... Rhetorical question.
“Beast Legends” (Syfy 8 p.m.) A team of cryptozoologists (like ghost hunters, only nerdier) uses “scientific data” to re-create legendary monsters (or 3D computer models of them, anyway).
“Stand Up to Cancer” (ABC, NBC, CBS, FOX 7 p.m.) Everybody in Hollywood (more or less) shows up to help raise money for cancer research.
“COPS” (KASA-2 7 p.m.) Every time you turn around, “COPS” has hit some new milestone. Tonight, it’s the 800th episode! That’s soap opera-worthy.
Mandrake (Syfy 7 p.m.) As in the root, not the magician. Yes, this crummy movie has jungle adventurers being chased around by a shrimpy plant monster. On the upside, it does star Betsy Russell—whom horny ’80s-era teens will remember as the sexy star of Private School, Avenging Angel, Tomboy and Cheerleader Camp. She was also in a bunch of Saw movies, but that’s not nearly as cool.
“Broken Lizard: Stands Up” (Comedy Central 1 a.m.) The cult comedy troupe behind Super Troopers and Beerfest tells jokes.
“2010 MTV Video Music Awards” (MTV 10 p.m.) I hope you like your Lady Gaga. Because you’re going to be seeing a lot of her tonight. In more ways than one, probably.
“The Venture Bros.” (Cartoon Network, 12:30 am) Finally! The show returns for Season 5. Or Season 4.5. Or whatever.
The 19th Wife (Lifetime 7 p.m.) Chyler Leigh (“That ’80s Show,” “Grey’s Anatomy”) stars as a fundamentalist Mormon who tries to solve a man’s murder at a polygamist compound in Utah. Knowing the wife did it apparently doesn’t boil things down any.
“Fashion’s Night Out 2010” (KRQE-13 9 p.m.) Neil Patrick Harris hosts. Hence, the “out” part.
“Sextuplets Take New York” (TLC 8 p.m.) No! No, no, no, no, no. Stop it, TLC. You think I can’t see what you’re doing? “Quints by Surprise,” “Sextuplets Take New York,” “Kate Plus Eight,” “Table for 12,” “19 Kids and Counting.” You’re trying to run the numbers! From here on out, you will air no more reality shows about people with more than four and less than 20 children. Fatwa!
“Survivor” (KRQE-13 7 p.m.) It’s Nicaragua for the 21st season. In case you were wondering.
“Outlaw” (KOB-4 9 p.m.) Jimmy Smits stars. Sadly, he’s not an outlaw, but just another TV lawyer.