“Pawn Queens” (TLC 8 p.m.) Good lord, TV. Your laziness is appalling these days. Changing one measly word on the title of an already established reality show does not a clever new series make.
“Harmony” (KOB-4 9 p.m.) The Prince of Wales (Charlie to you and me) is apparently a righteous, charity-driven guy who’s now dedicated his life to helping the environment and finding solutions to global climate change. This hour-long special is HRH’s call to arms, offering viewers a perspective on how to meet these modern challenges globally, locally and personally.
“Dennis Miller: The Big Speech” (HBO 8 p.m.) Overly-literate-comedian-turned-conservative-gasbag Dennis Miller tries to be funny while ragging on illegal immigrants in his first stand-up special in many a moon. ... I’d like to take this moment to point out the fact that, back in the early ’80s, Miller lost out to Sinbad on “Star Search.” Freaking Sinbad.
“The Night Before the Night Before Christmas” (Hallmark 6 p.m.) According to my calendar, it’s five days before Thanksgiving, Hallmark.
“America’s Cutest Dog 2010” (Animal Planet 7 p.m.) Turnabout is fair play. Last week its was “America’s Cutest Cat 2010.”
“2010 American Music Awards” (KOAT-7 7 p.m.) If you’re not interested in tunes from today’s bubble-gum artists (Ke$ha, Katy Perry, Justin Bieber), stick around for tunes from yesterday’s bubble-gum artists (New Kids on the Block, the Backstreet Boys).
“Brew Masters” (Discovery 8 p.m.) Travel around the world and sample craft beers for a living? Where do I sign up?
“The Futurama Holiday Spectacular” (Comedy Central 11 p.m.) The Planet Express crew learns the true meaning of Xmas. And Kwanzaa. Also Robanukah.
“Top Gear” History 8 p.m.) History Channel makes a run at Americanizing the long-running, tongue-in-cheek, speed-obsessed automotive series from England.
“The Venture Bros.” (Cartoon Network 12:30 a.m.) CN’s spoofy sci-fi/superhero series closes out its latest season by sending our terminally adolescent siblings to prom.
“Skating With the Stars” (KOAT-7 8:11 p.m.) I was kinda hoping we were over this as a society. Tonight’s 109-minute season premiere argues otherwise.
“Glee” (KASA-2 7 p.m.) Comedy legend Carol Burnett drops by as Sue’s (Jane Lynch) mother.
“Inside the Body of Henry VIII” (National Geographic 7 p.m.) Um. Ew.
Firebreather (Cartoon Network 8 p.m.) The popular Image comic by Albuquerque artist Andy Kuhn comes to life as a CGI-animated feature. In it, a high school kid learns his dad was a dragon and inherits his fire-spewing superpowers. If the movie does well, CN will probably turn it into a series. So watch. Andy could use the dough.
“Kung Fu Panda Holiday Special” (KOB-4 7:30 p.m.) I guess there’s no point in pointing out that they don’t celebrate Christmas in China. Also, no kung-fu-fighting pandas.
“Bacon Paradise” (Travel Channel 8 p.m.) If this is true, both the Quran and the Torah have made a rather tragic mistake.