“A Charlie Brown Christmas” (KOAT-7 7 p.m.) It’s really more of a Linus Van Pelt Christmas, but that just doesn’t have the same ring.
“It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia: A Very Sunny Christmas” (FX 11 p.m.) What with its stolen toys, traumatic childhood videos, naked elves and bloody Santa Claus, I’m fairly confident this will be the most disturbing holiday special of the season.
“Chiller 13: The Decade’s Scariest Movie Moments” (Chiller 6 p.m.) I get that horror is pretty much your thing, Chiller. But it just doesn’t seem like the right time of year for this sort of countdown.
“Christmas in Washington 2010” (TNT 9:15 p.m.) Andrea Bocelli, Mariah Carey, Miranda Cosgrove, Annie Lennox and one of the kids from “Glee” will be performing. Assuming the Republicans allow it.
“Blais Off” (Science 8 p.m.) “Culinary modernist” Richard Blais outcooks America’s top chefs with science.
“Suffocating” (TLC 8 p.m.) Cable TV, I think you have a problem with collecting shows about hoarding. You’re drowning in the damn things these days. Do yourself a favor and just stop. You don’t need any more. You have plenty.
“Guy’s Big Bite: A McConaughey and Fieri Feast” (Food 6 p.m.) Matthew McConaughey and Guy Fieri? Will there be nudity and bongo drumming?
“WWE Tribute to the Troops” (KOB-4 8 p.m.) “I’d like to dedicate the pile driver I’m about to perform on this sweaty, tattooed hulk in a unitard to the brave men and women defending our freedom overseas.”
“Lucky’s 10 Biggest Obsessions Ever” (Style 7 p.m.) Lucky magazine counts down the best and worst trends of the past decade.
Battle of the Bulbs (Hallmark 6 p.m.) Feuding neighbors Daniel Stern (Home Alone) and Matt Frewer (“Max Headroom”) enter a holiday decorating contest. Hijinks ensue.
“Robot Chicken: Star Wars Episode III” (Cartoon Network 12:30 a.m.) In my rabid excitement, I jumped the gun last week. Adult Swim is airing the much-anticipated “Robot Chicken” special this weekend. My bad.
“Million Dollar Money Drop” (KASA-2 7 p.m.) In FOX’s newest, short-lived game show sensation, contestants are given a million bucks and must wager it on various answers to trivia questions. The gimmick? Wrong answers cause the money to fall through a trap door. Perfect for people who wish “Jeopardy!” were more like Milton Bradley’s Mouse Trap.
“Gordon Ramsay’s Ultimate Christmas” (BBC America 8 p.m.) Rightly or wrongly, I get the impression that Christmas at the Ramsay house involves an insane amount of screaming.
“The 12th Annual A Home for the Holidays” (KRQE-13 7 p.m.) Ricky Martin, Katy Perry, Julie Chen, Sara Gilbert, Maroon 5, Holly Robinson Peete and Sharon Osbourne try to make you feel guilty for not adopting an underprivileged child this holiday season.
“Top Ten Monks” (HBO2 6 p.m.) Sadly, not a countdown of history’s most bad-ass monks, but a documentary about those Cistercian monks who landed a top-10 album with “Chant.”