“Swarm Chasers” (Animal Planet 9 p.m.) Chasing storms is dumb enough. Chasing anything that comes in a “swarm” is completely mental.
Jigoku (TCM 12:30 a.m.) Also known as The Sinners of Hell, this crazed 1960 Japanese horror flick is basically a lurid Buddhist version of Dante’s Inferno. And lemme tell you, Japanese Hell is weird.
“DSW Presents The Miss America Pageant” (KOAT-7 8 p.m.) In case you were wondering, DSW stands for Designer Shoe Warehouse. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
“The 68th Annual Golden Globe Awards” (KOB-4 6 p.m.) Ricky Gervais wins as best host of a self-congratulatory midwinter award show.
“Big Love” (HBO 7 p.m.) Now that Bill’s both a politician and a known polygamist, I’m guessing there’s going to be a bit of fallout for him to deal with this season.
“Wild Animal Repo” (Discovery 7 p.m.) The life of a repo man is always intense. ... Especially when he’s got to repossess a 700-pound Siberian tiger.
“Denis Leary and Friends Present Douchebags and Donuts” (Comedy Central 11 p.m.) Leary and comedian pals like Adam Ferrara and Whitney Cummings salute the douchiest people on Earth. ... Hey, their word, not mine.
“Being Human” (Syfy 7 p.m.) A ghost, a vampire and a werewolf rent an apartment together. ... No, it’s not a joke. It’s an Americanized remake of the BBC hit. Because Americans don’t like accents. And need sexier casts than Britain has to offer.
“Heavy” (A&E 8 p.m.) Oh, goody. Another show about fat people losing weight. Because there aren’t nearly enough of those on TV.
“Harry’s Law” (KOB-4 9 p.m.) Creator David E. Kelley (“L.A. Law,” “The Practice,” “Ally McBeal,” “Boston Legal”) comes up with ... you guessed it: another lawyer drama. This one stars Kathy Bates. Harry is short for Harriet, apparently.
“Skins” (MTV 11 p.m.) Another remake of another BBC hit? See the notes under “Being Human.”
“Pioneers of Television: Science Fiction” (KNME-5 7 p.m.) Irwin Allen, Gene Roddenberry and Rod Serling are profiled.
“American Idol” (KASA-2 7 p.m.) Paula’s gone, Simon’s gone. Is this the season, America, you finally admit you no longer give a crap about who wins this pointless singing competition?
“James Ellroy’s L.A.: City of Demons” (ID 8 p.m.) Investigation Discovery gives pessimistic, hard-boiled crime writer James Ellroy (Black Dahlia, L.A. Confidential) his own show. Expect it to be dark and depressing.
“Retired at 35” (TV Land 8:30 p.m.) Buoyed by the success of “Hot in Cleveland,” TV Land tries out another new sitcom. George Segal (“Just Shoot Me!”) and Jessica Walter (“Arrested Development”) star as the parents of a successful New Yorker (Johnathan McClain) who quits the rat race and moves in with them at a retirement community in Florida.