Week in Sloth
The Week in Sloth
“Lady Gaga: Inside the Outside” (MTV 10 p.m.) Haven’t we overdosed on Lady Gaga yet?
“River Monsters: The Lost Reels” (Animal Planet 7 p.m.) C’mon. These reels weren’t “lost.” They were sitting on the editor’s desk when producers came in and said, “Let’s milk another few episodes from all this leftover footage.”
“Revolver Golden Gods Awards 2011” (VH1 Classics 8 p.m.) Metalheads Avenged Sevenfold, Lars Ulrich, Alice Cooper, Duff McKagan and Sebastian Bach get the shout-out from host/wrestler Chris Jericho.
“My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding” (TLC 7 p.m.) While weddings among the traditional Romani people of Europe are colorful enough to merit their own special, My Big Fat Greek Wedding was nine years ago and no longer counts as a hip meme.
“Iced With Sylvia Weinstock” (WE 10 p.m.) You know the rules, WE: Blatantly plagiaristic reality show concepts get mocked. We already have, like, a hundred cake-decorating shows on basic cable. Yours is waaaay too late to the party.
“Ice Loves Coco: Baby Got Backstory” (E! 11:30 p.m.) Fear that you’ll be lost when rapper-turned-actor Ice-T and his freakishly anatomized bride get their own reality show? To help out, E! offers this half-hour special giving you all the information you’ll need. ... Namely, he’s a rapper-turned-actor and she has a cartoonishly large ass.
“Single Ladies” (VH1 7 p.m.) Stacey Dash, LisaRaye McCoy and Charity Shea headline this Beyoncé-inspired sitcom.
“Man v. Monster” (Nat Geo Wild 8 p.m.) Sorry, Nat Geo Wild, but I’m gonna have to dock you for having a blatantly plagiaristic reality show concept as well. We’ve already got dozens of shows on the air that have failed to find Bigfoot and pals. We don’t need you adding to the disappointment.
“Platinum Hit” (Bravo 8 p.m.) Oh, thank God. Kara DioGuardi is back. I was worried a former “American Idol” judge would be without a televised singing competition to judge.
“Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition” (KOAT-7 9:01 p.m.) Blatantly plagiaristic reality show concept! We are full up on “fat people losing weight” shows. Don’t need any more. Please move on to shows about lazy people mowing lawns or something.
“Love Handles: Couples in Crisis” (Lifetime 8 p.m.) Blatantly plagiaristic reality show concept overload! Two “fat people losing weight shows” in one week? Shame on you, TV!
“Haunted Collector” (Syfy 7 p.m.) A reality show about a family that collects “haunted” objects? Lemme check. ... Nope, don’t have one of those. You’re good.
“Love in the Wild” (KOB-4 9 p.m.) This so-called “extreme dating experiment” sends couples out into the jungle to get it on. Think “The Bachelor” crossed with “Survivor.” Only dumber.
“Sand Masters” (Travel 8 p.m.) Sorry, but much like ice sculpting, sand-castle building doesn’t count as a real career and therefore is ineligible for the Wheel of Blue Collar Jobs That Don’t Have Reality Shows Yet.
“The World According to Paris” (Oxygen 11 p.m.) Aaaand somebody gave Paris Hilton another reality show. ... What a week.