Week in Sloth
The Week in Sloth
“NFL Preseason Football” (ESPN 6 p.m.) It’s a preseason game, but for a while it looked like we wouldn’t get any season at all. So savor it, fans. Seattle at San Diego.
“Perisher: Do or Die” (Military 8 p.m.) I have no idea who or what the Perisher is, but it sounds mighty badass.
“Russian Dolls” (Lifetime 8:32 p.m.) Or as you’ll soon be calling it: “Jersey Shore, But With Russian-Americans.”
“Karaoke Battle USA” (KOAT-7 8 p.m.) Just go ahead and admit it, TV. You’re not even trying anymore, are you?
“Strike Back” (Cinemax 8 p.m.) Cinemax launches its first scripted prime-time drama (as opposed to all that late-night soft-core on Max After Dark). In it, two rough-and-tumble intelligence agents travel the globe, meeting interesting people and blowing them to kingdom come.
“WrestleMania: The World Premiere” (KOB-4 8 p.m.) Highlights from this year’s WrestleMania XXVII include a six-person tag match featuring Snooki from “Jersey Shore.” ... I assume they’re using the term “highlights” in an ironic manner.
“i.am FIRST: Science Is Rock and Roll” (KOAT-7 6 p.m.) This show features highlights from the 20th annual FIRST Championship, a worldwide science and robotics competition for students from kindergarten through high school. Plus, there’s a performance from the Black Eyed Peas. ... I’m confused too.
“CMA Music Festival: Country’s Night to Rock” (KOAT-7 7 p.m.) Sorry, ABC, science isn’t rock and roll, and country music doesn’t rock. If you’re that desperate to rock, how about airing—oh, I don’t know—a rock concert?
“In the Flow With Affion Crockett” (KASA-2 8 p.m.) Never heard of Affion Crockett, but he’s got his own sketch comedy show now. So, good for him.
“The Lying Game” (ABC Family 7 p.m.) In this soapy new series, a poor foster kid learns she’s got an identical twin sister who’s filthy rich. Cue the standard Prince and the Pauper-style hijinks. This one’s based on the book series (!) from teen lit author Sara Shepard (Pretty Little Liars).
“Family Restaurant” (WE 11 p.m.) A reality show about a Chinese restaurant? Well, they’re not obese, but they do yell at each other a lot. I guess they’ll fit in on TV.
“Bedbug Apocalypse” (Animal Planet 6 p.m.) Once again, Animal Planet comes up with a scarier title for a horror movie than whatever Syfy is showing this week. At this point, it’s like 16-love in favor of AnPlan.
To the Mat (CMT 6 p.m.) Rick “Ricky” Schroder stars as a former grappler who goes to work on Wall Street to save his family’s wrestling school. Sounds ... logical.
“Ton of Cash” (VH1 7 p.m.) Contestants struggle to haul 2,000 pounds’ worth of cash from L.A. to Vegas. On foot! Fail to make the daily checkpoints in time and the prize money—as well as the weight—decreases.