Week in Sloth
The Week in Sloth
“D.U.I.” (TLC 7 p.m.) So ... “COPS” but with only D.U.I. suspects.
“Weed Wars” (Discovery 8 p.m.) Seems sort of inevitable that we’d wind up with a docureality show about a medical marijuana dispensary.
“Keep a Child Alive With Alicia Keys” (Showtime 7 p.m.) Are they implying that that the only way to prevent your kids from dying is with the liberal application of Alicia Keys?
“Ninjago: Master of Spinjitzu” (Cartoon Network 7 p.m.) Ninjago, in case you didn't know, are ninja-themed Legos strapped to spinning tops. Now, apparently, they're a cartoon.
Game of Your Life (KOB-4 7 p.m.) A teenager lands a scholarship to an exclusive video game design school, then must compete in a project that will eliminate half the freshman class. Who doesn't love a good stand-up-and-cheer computer programming finale?
“America’s Most Wanted” (Lifetime 7 p.m.) Host John Walsh and his crime-fighting TV show move to Lifetime after 23 years. Still wanted ... just not by FOX.
The Take (Encore 7 p.m.) Encore imports this gritty British miniseries about a wannabe criminal kingpin (Tom Hardy from Inception).
Hercules Saves Christmas (Animal Planet 4 p.m.) Shorty Rossi and his pit pull Hercules, stars of the Animal Planet series “Pit Boss,” get their own magical holiday movie—which makes about as much sense as anything in this crazy old world. Hercules is a talking dog who saves an orphanage. Rossi is the world’s shortest priest.
Neverland (Syfy 7 p.m.) In this prequel to J.M. Barrie’s classic Peter Pan, we get to see how Captain Hook (Rhys Ifans), Tinkerbell (Keira Knightley) and Peter Pan (young Charlie Rowe from Pirate Radio) came to be. In case you were wondering.
“Prep & Landing: Naughty vs. Nice” (KOAT-7 7:30 p.m.) Disney’s hit holiday cartoon returns with a new chapter in which high-tech Christmas elves Lanny and Wayne must recover classified North Pole technology that has fallen into the hands of a computer-hacking naughty kid.
“The Mortified Sessions” (Sundance 9 p.m.) In this oddball interview series, celebrities are asked to dig up their old childhood artifacts and play a game of show-and-tell to explain what these items reveal about the person they’ve become. Among the first season guests: Ed Helms, Mo’Nique, Jennifer Grey, Alanis Morissette and Nick Offerman.
“A Michael Bublé Christmas” (KOB-4 7 p.m.) He doesn’t just sing, he also does sketch comedy. Is there nothing this Canadian can’t do?
“Warehouse 13” (Syfy 7 p.m.) The sci-fi-centric TV show gets into the holiday spirit with a one-hour special, in which Pete (Eddie McClintock) more or less re-enacts It’s a Wonderful Life. Which at least beats re-enacting A Christmas Carol.
“Moonshiners” (Discovery 8 p.m.) Basic cable continues its love affair with redneck Americans (repo men, swamp dwellers, feral hog hunters, Okie noodlers).
“Storage Wars: Texas” (A&E 8:30 p.m.) Bored with watching people buy other people’s old crap in California? Now you can watch people buy other people’s old crap in Texas.
“Pearl Harbor: 24 Hours After” (History 6 p.m.) History takes us back in time to the bombing of Pearl Harbor to show us what America went through on that fateful day 70 years ago.
State of Play (BBC America 8 p.m.) This 2003 British miniseries was adapted into the 2009 American political thriller of the same name starring Russell Crowe, Ben Affleck and Rachel McAdams. The original's better.